I am about to embark upon parenthood.
Any day now, my son will make his decision that it is time to descend from his snuggly, albeit cramped, safe space in my body and enter into the great, big world. He won't even know that he made the decision; he won't even know why. But, I am already very aware of one thing: it is his decision. And so this is my first taste of accepting true parenthood. There are things we can control, and things we cannot. We cannot control who they are or the decisions they make. We can only provide them the very best possible place to explore the world.
In the Montessori classroom, we call this venture "preparing the environment," but it takes on a different meaning in the larger world. I've prepared my body, trying to give him the very best food and nutrients that I can and protecting him from all those things that would be harmful to his development. I haven't always been successful (damn soy chais and chocolate!), but for the most part, I have made all the necessary sacrifices. For the duration of the breastfeeding experience, I will continue this sacrifice in the hopes that the support of his development will help shape him as an individual. I have spent time researching what to buy: what he needs, what he doesn't need, what's economically sound, and what's environmentally safe. I have designed a nursery (I'll share more on that later) that I think will serve all of his developmental needs with a calm and, I have to say, beautiful space. And while I have scrambled, and nested, and made my body the best home I could, the impending nature yet uncertain timing of his birth brings me back to reality. There is one thing that is certain. This little person is about to change my life. But I can't change him.
So, here I stand, about to become a mother. About to discover who this young child is. And I am full of anticipation, both nervous and excited. And the only thing I can tell you for certain...I can't wait to follow this child.
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