I have a baby boy! He is laying softly in my arms, sleeping like a little angel. He is now nearing a week old, and I have a thousand things I want to write about (and I will!) but a lot less time! I have learned so much, utilized a lot of what I know, and re-evaluated what I thought I knew. And what I know for sure: I couldn't have done or be doing anything about it without my village.
Before my son's birth, I had a lot of family members saying they wanted to be present and help take care of me afterwards. This is rare and makes me a very lucky person. As we neared the birth, however, people's plans started changing and they became very worried that they should leave my husband and I alone. I heard the words "bonding time" a lot. Frequently, people would ask what I want or needed. If you are already a parent, you know that this is a question you just can't answer the first time around. Who knows what you are going to need?
I have the answer now. I need a lot of support; I can't imagine my husband and I doing this without it. My son was the result of an emergency c-section, and so we needed even more support than we could have guessed. I had medication prescriptions to be filled, I was moving very slowly, and my husband not only had to learn to take care of a newborn but a post-surgery wife. Grocery shopping, making dinner, and buying the things we didn't even know we needed all seemed like impossibilities on top of trying to figure out what this little guy wants and needs. As a mother who always wants her son held during the day, just having someone to hold him for an hour has become a tremendous assistance. My family members, and most especially my father, have made all these things easier than we could have imagined. All of a sudden, every fear people had of interfering with our "bonding" was laid to rest. The truth is, help and family around you lets you do that bonding. Every second spent grocery shopping or making dinner would have been one less spent learning our son and helping each other become parents. And so, because my family has made sure to dedicate their time to helping us make this transition into parenthood, we are far more relaxed and intuitive parents already.
My father was the only one who never asked whether or not we thought we needed him. He knew we needed him (and I can only say that I can just wish for each woman out there to have such a father, or someone, willing to take such great care of his family). Whether it was his fear of my suffering post-partum depression like my mother or the influence of his own Indian culture that drove this instinct, I do not know. In India, unlike the western world, there is no question of making sure that a new set of parents have the full support of their family. A mother (or both parents) will come stay with her children for at least a month after the birth of a child. In India, families (parents, children, grandchildren) often live together in the same house based on the reality that it really does take a village to raise a child.
From the perspective of those ever-threatening post-partum hormones, having people around you is one of the most important ways to work through it. The one day my husband I had completely alone was a bit of a shock to me and my hormones took over more than I realized. Having people to talk things out with each day really lets you process what you are going through, and even more so, helps you stave off the loneliness that can sometimes accompany a major life change. Going it alone just makes everything seem harder.
So, if you are soon to be blessed with a little one (or just have been), then the one thing I can say is make sure you call upon your village. Don't be afraid to tell people you need them. Build your village now, and welcome their assistance and advice (even if you don't take the latter). Remember, you will have a very cute little bundle to tempt them with. And if you have been as lucky as I have, don't forget to thank your village for everything they do!
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