After the age of one, many parents begin to see the early signs of what is frequently dubbed as the "terrible twos." What many parents don't realize is that this behavior has a very direct cause and can be linked to a very necessary developmental process in the brain: the Sensitive Period for Order. This sensitive period, which is a critical period of learning that allows the brain to make certain foundational developments, is essential to the child's ability to learn to classify and organize the information around him.
Around the age of 18 months to 2 ½, certain characteristics and behaviors begin to appear strongly in the young child. This is actual the peak time for the sensitive period which begins at birth and fades away closer to the age of six. When discussing ages relative to sensitive periods, however, it's important to remember that every child's brain is different, and so these ages are estimates and not exact. At 15 months, my son is already beginning to exhibit strong signs of entering into this period. He falls apart easily and throws himself to the floor when he becomes frustrated. Unexpected changes can easily throw him into the same kind of frustration. He is just starting to understand that everything has it's place and that there are certain consistent causes and effects in the world. When he meets inconsistency or the unexpected, it's quite a blow.
When children reach this peak period of the sensitive period, they often fuss or cry because things change or are different, new places or new activities may upset them. Schedule becomes extremely important and some children may fall apart when their routine is changed. Children may show distress when things in their environment are moved and they may attempt to put them back in place. It's these very common place symptoms that have lead to that popular phrase, the “terrible twos,” and it has long been believed that children are focused on getting their own way. This period of time becomes complicating for many parents who often find themselves engaged in endless battles, find it difficult to get "control" of their child, or become frustrated when their child does not adapt easily to new circumstances or routines.
What is really happening, however, is not rigidity or defiance, but rather a very profound and important developmental stage. While children are learning to accept discipline, these battles often occur less because the child is trying to get his/her own way but because the adult fails to understand what the child is experiencing. Children's actions are often misunderstood as defiance or willfulness, when they are actually a result of frustration and confusion. The root of that confusion lies in what defines the Sensitive Period for Order: children need things to remain the same. By order, we do not refer to the need to create order out of chaos (many of these children are very happy creating chaos which derives from another developmental need to take things apart). Instead, it refers to the child's need for things need to stay in the same place and activities need to occur throughout the day in the same manner. Children prefer to do and see things they have done before, and novelty can be a little off-putting.
These characteristics of the mind are directly linked to the child’s need to learn. Biologically, the child's mind is preparing itself to acquire, categorize, and utilize sensory input, or information. Children enter the world without the ability to regulate any of that information. Their brains do not develop the ability to regulate sensory input until, roughly, crawling age. They are open to the continuous bombardment of information. Then, as the brain ages, it begins to develop the ability to sort out that information. However, the world in its entirety is enormous, and so, children must collect a wealth of information in order to operate within it. The child’s brain must develop the ability to learn a language, coordinate movements, communicate wants and needs, and so much more. Information is everywhere, and the child’s brain is just learning how to use it.
Think of the newly born child’s brain as an empty records room. Information just begins pouring in from all over the place. All these pieces of information just pile up and can be very overwhelming, which is why young infants are so easily overloaded. Eventually though, the brain begins to develop a filing system. It creates cabinets, drawers, and folders for the information that is coming in. Now, an adult’s brain has a much more complex filing system than a child’s. The adult’s brain can file a piece of information in multiple places, or develop very distinct categories or more generalized categories depending upon what is needed for a piece of information. Adults have the abstract thinking abilities to do this and, more importantly, a foundational filing system to extrapolate from. But the child is just starting out, just building this filing system. He creates a category and files a piece of information in it. Now, if that information changes or moves, he may not have a new category yet created to explain such a thing. His black and white filing system is not prepared to file this information elsewhere, categorize the information in a new way, or understand this change yet, so he is distressed. Order (things happening in an expected way or objects being in an expected place) helps the child maintain things in a very specific way so that he may organize the information in his mind. Then, as he ages and develops new ways of thinking, he can begin to move that information around. For the very young child, however, every time something changes, it’s like someone has walked into the filing room, ripped pieces of paper from the files and tossed them about because there is not yet a new place for them to go. Can you imagine how frustrating and debilitating that might feel? The child usually will have one of two responses: he will either show frustration and anger because he cannot figure out how to return the order or he will find a way to return the order and delight in his accomplishment.
For example, in the classroom, if a teacher moves a table and chair to another part of the room after hours when the children are not in attendance, she may find that later in the following day the table and chair have returned to their original positions. She may move them again with no one noticing and again, she will find them returned. What has happened is that the children know things to be one way and wish to have it remain that way. They are not defying the teacher, but rather, delighting in their ability to return things to what they consider a natural order.
On the other hand, another example might be to consider the mother and daughter standing at a cupcake counter. The mother allows the daughter to pick out a cupcake for herself and other family members, pays, and the two move to continue with their day. The child asks for the cupcake immediately, but the mother refuses because she wants the child to wait until she gets home. She explains this. Now the five or six year old may have a better chance of understanding because they have built in necessary categories for waiting, but the two year old child falls apart. While the mother sees this as defiance and the child trying to get her way, the child is more likely having this reaction because she is not capable of understanding waiting. In her mind, the order of things goes: you pick something to eat and you eat it. Now the child and parent are engaged in battle, the parent trying to teach the child that she can’t cry and get her way (which is a fair reaction) and the child trying to understand why she can’t have the cupcake she was told she could have (at some point).
As a parent you may now be asking, so what do I do? Give a child everything she wants because she is sensitive to order? The answer is still no, but what knowledge of the sensitive period for order can do is help you prepare your child and yourself for changes or misunderstandings that might ensue because children understand that things happen a certain way or belong in a certain place. You can avoid a tantrum under these circumstances, or perhaps be more sensitive to it. Ultimately, it helps to prepare a young child with information before you change something, or let them participate in the change. Had the teacher from earlier sat with the children and showed them what she was doing, the children would have created a new category in the process of participation and shifted their concept of where the chair belongs, creating a new order. They would then have not need to move it. The mother from earlier might have chosen to secretly obtain a cupcake from her daughter and surprise her with it later when she could eat it. Or, if her daughter were a bit older, explained exactly where and when the child could eat the cupcake before she chose it.
It is important to respect a child’s sense of order and understand their experiences to help you engage in fewer battles. Understanding that change can throw a child’s need for familiarity off can help you prepare them for times when you cannot avoid it happening. The key to helping avoid the battle is to help the child create a new sense of order for the change through preparation. You can tell your children things may change before they do. If it is a long-term change, you can try easing them into it by changing things in increments over time. Or, you can help them participate in the decision-making process that leads to the change. The important thing is to remember that your child’s frustration or focus is based on his need to learn and understand the world and not the desire to control or manipulate. When your child is upset, if you think on how things may have changed and look to remedy unanticipated change in the future, you may find that the instances of battle and distress become far fewer.
While this sense of order can cause frustrations, it can also cause amazing focus on keeping things clean and learning how they work. Children before the age of six (and especially between two and four) love to participate in the activities that maintain order, like cleaning, folding, putting things away, and other daily activities. Allowing your child to participate in these activities and learn them is a great way to keep him occupied when he is active and having a hard time finding something to do (when you are showing your child how to do something, come up with one sequence for showing him how to do it and show it too him the same way each time; even changing how you do something each time can confuse a child and make them become disinterested).
One day this need for order will disappear, and your child will move pass this phase of development into a phase of disorder (when parents are constantly wishing for the child to clean up after himself!). Letting your child learn how to do these things that appeal to his sense of order will also help him gain great independence. It will also help him put is energy into activities that will develop his skills and his ability to concentrate. The child’s sense of order is and essential part of his development and helps him make sense of a very large and confusing world. Your sensitivity to it can make all the difference.
Think of the newly born child’s brain as an empty records room. Information just begins pouring in from all over the place. All these pieces of information just pile up and can be very overwhelming, which is why young infants are so easily overloaded. Eventually though, the brain begins to develop a filing system. It creates cabinets, drawers, and folders for the information that is coming in. Now, an adult’s brain has a much more complex filing system than a child’s. The adult’s brain can file a piece of information in multiple places, or develop very distinct categories or more generalized categories depending upon what is needed for a piece of information. Adults have the abstract thinking abilities to do this and, more importantly, a foundational filing system to extrapolate from. But the child is just starting out, just building this filing system. He creates a category and files a piece of information in it. Now, if that information changes or moves, he may not have a new category yet created to explain such a thing. His black and white filing system is not prepared to file this information elsewhere, categorize the information in a new way, or understand this change yet, so he is distressed. Order (things happening in an expected way or objects being in an expected place) helps the child maintain things in a very specific way so that he may organize the information in his mind. Then, as he ages and develops new ways of thinking, he can begin to move that information around. For the very young child, however, every time something changes, it’s like someone has walked into the filing room, ripped pieces of paper from the files and tossed them about because there is not yet a new place for them to go. Can you imagine how frustrating and debilitating that might feel? The child usually will have one of two responses: he will either show frustration and anger because he cannot figure out how to return the order or he will find a way to return the order and delight in his accomplishment.
For example, in the classroom, if a teacher moves a table and chair to another part of the room after hours when the children are not in attendance, she may find that later in the following day the table and chair have returned to their original positions. She may move them again with no one noticing and again, she will find them returned. What has happened is that the children know things to be one way and wish to have it remain that way. They are not defying the teacher, but rather, delighting in their ability to return things to what they consider a natural order.
On the other hand, another example might be to consider the mother and daughter standing at a cupcake counter. The mother allows the daughter to pick out a cupcake for herself and other family members, pays, and the two move to continue with their day. The child asks for the cupcake immediately, but the mother refuses because she wants the child to wait until she gets home. She explains this. Now the five or six year old may have a better chance of understanding because they have built in necessary categories for waiting, but the two year old child falls apart. While the mother sees this as defiance and the child trying to get her way, the child is more likely having this reaction because she is not capable of understanding waiting. In her mind, the order of things goes: you pick something to eat and you eat it. Now the child and parent are engaged in battle, the parent trying to teach the child that she can’t cry and get her way (which is a fair reaction) and the child trying to understand why she can’t have the cupcake she was told she could have (at some point).
As a parent you may now be asking, so what do I do? Give a child everything she wants because she is sensitive to order? The answer is still no, but what knowledge of the sensitive period for order can do is help you prepare your child and yourself for changes or misunderstandings that might ensue because children understand that things happen a certain way or belong in a certain place. You can avoid a tantrum under these circumstances, or perhaps be more sensitive to it. Ultimately, it helps to prepare a young child with information before you change something, or let them participate in the change. Had the teacher from earlier sat with the children and showed them what she was doing, the children would have created a new category in the process of participation and shifted their concept of where the chair belongs, creating a new order. They would then have not need to move it. The mother from earlier might have chosen to secretly obtain a cupcake from her daughter and surprise her with it later when she could eat it. Or, if her daughter were a bit older, explained exactly where and when the child could eat the cupcake before she chose it.
It is important to respect a child’s sense of order and understand their experiences to help you engage in fewer battles. Understanding that change can throw a child’s need for familiarity off can help you prepare them for times when you cannot avoid it happening. The key to helping avoid the battle is to help the child create a new sense of order for the change through preparation. You can tell your children things may change before they do. If it is a long-term change, you can try easing them into it by changing things in increments over time. Or, you can help them participate in the decision-making process that leads to the change. The important thing is to remember that your child’s frustration or focus is based on his need to learn and understand the world and not the desire to control or manipulate. When your child is upset, if you think on how things may have changed and look to remedy unanticipated change in the future, you may find that the instances of battle and distress become far fewer.
While this sense of order can cause frustrations, it can also cause amazing focus on keeping things clean and learning how they work. Children before the age of six (and especially between two and four) love to participate in the activities that maintain order, like cleaning, folding, putting things away, and other daily activities. Allowing your child to participate in these activities and learn them is a great way to keep him occupied when he is active and having a hard time finding something to do (when you are showing your child how to do something, come up with one sequence for showing him how to do it and show it too him the same way each time; even changing how you do something each time can confuse a child and make them become disinterested).
One day this need for order will disappear, and your child will move pass this phase of development into a phase of disorder (when parents are constantly wishing for the child to clean up after himself!). Letting your child learn how to do these things that appeal to his sense of order will also help him gain great independence. It will also help him put is energy into activities that will develop his skills and his ability to concentrate. The child’s sense of order is and essential part of his development and helps him make sense of a very large and confusing world. Your sensitivity to it can make all the difference.
I'm curious as to how to implement this routine and order into every day life for a 20 month old. It gives me anxiety to think my choatic home is creating distress for her and with the upcoming arrival of a new baby, could cause her even more stress when things change a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a helpful description of this sensitive period. It helps me understand how a child ticks. Your post is also very valuable because you mention how to practically deal with the challenge this sensitive period poses for parents and caregivers.
ReplyDeleteVery good! Thank you.