Montessori and Attachment Parenting: Can They Co-Exist

As part of my consulting job for a Montessori school in the area, I run teacher training workshops in which we analyze school issues by looking at Dr. Montessori's written works and philosophically analyzing the topics.  As I did an Internet search relating Dr. Montessori and sleep, I came across an interesting blog post on MariaMontessori.com about Montessori philosophy and Attachment Parenting philosophy.  The blogger questioned if the two philosophies can co-exist.  Was Dr. Montessori's quest for a child's independence in conflict with Attachment Parenting's promotion of the parent-child bond?   As I contemplated her questions, I found myself thinking, no, I don't believe this conflict exists.  As a Montessori teacher and mother who very much follows much of AP's principles, I find that the two coexist quite nicely.

It's easy to see why someone would see a conflict arising, however.  Montessorians are tirelessly spouting the need for a child's independence.  Much of what Dr. Montessori wrote is about this very principle.  But, as often happens when people begin to interpret the good doctor, that independence lies within the context of a much greater philosophy and broader belief system about children.  I believe that if you were to boil down this very complex philosophy into a phrase, it would not be "independence."  It would be "follow the child."

Dr. Montessori's quest for the child's independence was not based on a belief that children should be made to do everything by themselves.  Instead, it was a very unique statement in a century when children were thought to be blank slates, having no knowledge or ability, and only by pouring knowledge into them might they learn anything.  The method of education at the time was to sit them at desks and have them learn everything from a teacher's lectures.  Sound familiar?  The upper class was often pampering their children by doing everything for them.  Children's behaviors were met with punishment and children were easily labeled good or bad. Again, sound familiar?

What she said was revolutionary, although it was built on the works of social and educational scientists before her (Itard, Piaget, Rousseau, etc.).  She challenged the traditional presumptions of children and said, instead, that children are innately born to learn.  Instead of trying to control them or force them through this process using the adult's desires, adults should guide them through their own process, following their own innate desires.  She found that what people saw as negative behaviors (disobedience) and positive behaviors (obedience) were not the true nature of the child.  Instead, the child simply wants to learn, explore, and build himself into someone.  She wrote "education is a natural process carried out by the child and is not acquired by listening to words but by experiences in the environment.”  It is that natural process and innate drive that is the gift of being a human and not just an animal.  It is when adults try to direct it that they muck it up.

Enter independence.  What Dr. Montessori said about independence is more of a statement about their capabilities.  She said "never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed."  Looking at her words, you can see the focus is on the child; how the child feels about his abilities.  Dr. Montessori was telling us to follow the child's lead.  If he wants to learn how to do something or shows an interest in something, let us help him get there.  Let us help him learn to do things so that he might find the joy in his success and his abilities.  Let us assist him when he cannot, all the while demonstrating how to do it, and back off when he can.  Let us let him TRY.

Going back to the bloggers question, I found that many of her questions arose because of the book Montessori From The Start.  This is not a book written by Dr. Montessori but instead by Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen.  This book is their interpretation of Montessori for the infant.  The reality is, Dr. Montessori did not write books about the infancy period and only makes occasional references to this age.  This age group was not in her schools because children at this age need to be with their mothers.  So, this book is a single interpretation for Montessori and not necessarily her own guidelines.   In my opinion, Lillard and Jessen do a great job talking about the floor bed and the way to set up a nursery, much of which I used when setting up a nursery and my son's floor bed. On the other hand, much of what else they wrote, I find is of their own opinion, and not necessarily the Montessori point of view.  It is these views which would confuse people trying to relate Montessori and Attachment Parenting.

For example, Lillard and Jessen suggest that children should sleep on their own in order to encourage independence, which is indeed in opposition with Attachment Parenting.  They say that we should begin helping children sleep through the night after two to three months.  Lillard and Jessen advocate controlling night time feedings, scheduling sleep, and bedtimes.  Again, direct contrast to AP.   Lillard and Jessen also come into contrast with Attachment Parenting is their discussion of and recommendations regarding weaning.   Lillard and Jessen suggest that a child should be fully weaned by nine months, transitioning to spoon feeding.   Their reasoning appears to be independence created by having the child be less dependent upon the mother.

AP would very much disagree with Lillard and Jessen, specifically with regard to sleep and weaning.  So would I, and I very much consider myself a Montessorian.  I know many Montessorians who put Lillard and Jessen's book down for the very same reasons.  And personally, I believe Dr. Montessori would as well.

The thing is, since Dr. Montessori never wrote in-depthly about just infants, and especially did not outline her beliefs about how infants should be raised, it is very hard to know exactly what she might have said when asked questions about sleep or weaning.  All we have is the words that Dr. Montessori did write and her general philosophy which we must interpret.  For, example, I believe Dr. Montessori was not against use of a crib for an infant, because she refers to it as beautiful in her chapter about sleep in The Secret of Childhood.  Her designation of sleep as an obstacle to growth was targeted at when children were forced to sleep and kept from moving about freely.  Her suggestion of the floor bed was for when the child was able to move on his own. What she was saying is that children should be able to choose to sleep or to not sleep; that is where independence comes into the scenario.

For this reason, I think that she would very much disagree with the belief that children at any age should be sleep trained or expected to be sleeping through the night by a certain age.  I think instead her argument would be to follow the child.  What the child needs is what we should be giving, which falls very much in line with Attachment Parenting.  Dr. Montessori talked about letting children do what they are capable of,  but I don't believe that she meant for us to decide what it is they are capable of.  We cannot decide when the child sleeps or when the child weans, but rather follow the child's cues in assisting the child with both.  For example, some children sleep fine on their own or for long periods, and these children should be allowed to do so.  But others, need additional help falling asleep or staying asleep, and these children should be helped accordingly.  I think the Montessori philosophy instead would encourage that we observe our children as they become more successful at doing these things on our own and step back our assistance as they gain skills.  This is congruent with AP bed-sharers who slowly help their child move out of the family bed by stepping them out slowly as the child becomes more able to sleep on his own.

When it comes to weaning, Lillard and Jessen's recommendations go against organizations like the American Pediatric Association (who recommends weaning after at least 12 months) and the World Health Organization (who recommends weaning after two years).  Being a medical doctor, I believe that Dr. Montessori would have been much more inclined to follow the medical guidelines and very much believe in the well-established health benefits that have been associated with long-term breastfeeding.  Again, this would be in line with Attachment Parenting.  When it comes to weaning, I would not be surprised if she fell more in line with Baby Led Weaning.  This philosophy not only follow's the child, but promotes independence, unlike Lillard and Jessen's suggestions for spoon feeding.

Lastly, Dr. Montessori believed that love was an essential part of helping the child develop.  Her belief in following the child asked that we use their cues as a road map for helping them find independence.  She believed that the child from birth to age three has an unconscious absorbent mind in which they instinctively lay the foundational skills they will need to become independent from the adult (talking, walking, learning to fall asleep).  But, not until they reach the conscious absorbent mind, age three to six, will they openly and consciously begin to develop this.  It is the child's natural ability to find independence, and Dr. Montessori's goal for adults was to not get in the way of this, but also not to force it either.  Instead, we should guide, love, and support their natural development of themselves.

I think that the ideas Montessori put forth, especially to love and follow the child, fall very much in line with Attachment Parenting.  One can easily raise a Montessori child while following Attachment Parenting principles.  Indeed, the two can coexist.