Starting Solids...

It's time for food!  Ever since I became pregnant, I have been reading about what is referred to as Baby-Led Weaning. It seems to fit in with my philosophy, following the child's own pace and letting him introduce himself to food.  It is also an extremely economical and time saving idea.  No purchasing baby food and no hassle making it.  I have been all ready to do things differently.  In the end, I ended up pulling from multiple sources to decide how my son should start eating, but this was definitely the right place for me to start.

First things first, we had to decide when to start solid foods.   After all the research I've been doing, six months seems like the earliest choice.  Babies digestive processes just aren't ready to handle food until this point as their stomachs are designed to process breast milk quickly and effectively.  The stomach lining pulls proteins directly into the blood stream without having to break it down, which is great for breast milk but not good for solid food proteins which need to be broken down.  At the same time, baby's gag reflex is at the front of the mouth so that he only ingests liquid foods.  This is why people have to puree everything and spoon feed before this time, they have to override his natural gag reflex.  Baby's body is telling us what he needs and we don't need to override it.  At six months, this gag reflex moves further back and the stomach begins to break foods down.  This is the earliest starting point.

Now, just because baby is six months old, doesn't necessarily mean he's immediately ready for food, so if your child isn't interested, that's ok.  You just wait until he is.  My little guy showed interest almost immediately, but at as he gets older, I can see it increasing.  When they start grabbing for food on your plate or watching you eat and mimicking your chewing, you know they are ready.  And even if they just play with it and don't put it in their mouths yet, that's okay too.  It's all about exploration.

For us, knowing when to start wasn't the hard part, although you do have to have all the conversations with all of the people who wonder why you haven't started solids yet (when they do, I just tell them what the research says).  The hard part has been trying to figure out WHAT to start.  This one seems less easy to decide.  According to the baby led weaning book, you can start with most foods that are easy for your child to gum.  By cutting the food in long spears so that your child can grasp it while still having some stick out to eat, your child can begin to explore the food.  Baby led weaning strongly advises against any spoon feeding.

Another book I picked up, Super Baby Food, has a very specific regimen for which foods to feed when. I picked this up because I was starting to learn about how an infant's digestive system is still developing, and they only have certain enzymes at certain points in this development.  If the food needs a certain digestive enzyme that baby has not developed, then you may end up taxing the infant's system.  At first I was frustrated by Super Baby Food because it did not mention the actual science, so I tried to do the research on my own.  Let me tell you, it is extensive.  This book has already done the research on when a baby's system is ready for certain foods, so I have chose to follow that (although not strictly).

Now, the book I just mentioned, also has a lot of suggestions for making baby food and how much baby should eat and when.  I've decided to ignore that part and stick with the baby led weaning for that.  My little guy's main food source is still breast milk and food is merely exploration at this point (he's seven months now).  When he's hungry, I feed him by breast, and make sure food exploration does not occur at times of hunger (so he doesn't wean to early and also so he isn't fussy).  I am not strict about not spoon feeding...I let him eat foods I've mushed off a spoon (such as banana, avocado, and squash).  But, he has complete control on whether or not he eats and how much.  I just hold the spoon up and his head does the rest.  Otherwise I give him whole foods to gnaw on so he can begin learning how to take a bite, how to swallow it, and how big to make it.

No one ever told me how scary this would get.  The truth is, I'm glad we are following the baby led weaning, because his gag reflex is still far enough to the front of his mouth to keep him from choking.  If I weren't letting him explore that now and only feeding him purees, then when he did get to larger bites of food, his gag reflex would be further back and he would be more in danger of choking.  But I'll tell you, his gagging isn't any less scary.  Actually, part of why I put spoon feeding into the mix is so that he has some opportunities to just focus on learning to swallow food.  Sometimes when he gags on something, he ends up spitting it out and then refusing to eat anymore because he didn't like gagging (which I must say is relieving to me because, when he gags, I just feeling like throwing all the food away and telling him he can breastfeed until he's 20!).  In those instances he doesn't get swallowing practice, so I think the spoon feeding mixed in helps him cover all the bases.

There's a lot of vigilance involved.  I make sure I watch as he eats, which is easy since he's either in a high chair right up at the dinner table (no trays) or in my lap (it's important infants stay upright when they eat).  I make sure I see how big his bite is, just in case.  I also make sure to check his mouth after he's done and make sure no food is left over or he might choke later.  Beyond that, I just have to remember that all of us learned to eat somehow...it's a natural process and he will be okay.  And then I appreciate that I know the Heimlich Maneuver for infants.

So far, I haven't worried about allergies.  My pediatrician said that there's no real evidence that delaying foods delays allergies, so instead, I look for an inflammatory response.  From what I understand, if he gets mucus or sinus stuff, that implies that he's having an adverse reaction.  So I stay vigilant there too.  I haven't been feeding foods one thing at a time either...I just figure that if I ever see a response, I'll work backwards.  I have been avoiding salted and sugared foods as I know that babies don't process either well.

So far, that's been our exploration into food.  We've tried banana, avocado, squash, plain yogurt, cucumber, broccoli (although, I need to hold off on that again now that I've learned about digestive enzymes), and crackers.  It's slow going, but I'm hoping that by letting my son explore a wide-array of taste and real foods, we'll be on the start to a healthy and well-rounded appreciation for food.

Why I Love Breastfeeding...Even When I'm Hating It

Making the decision to breastfeed my son seemed like the easiest one in the world.  My breasts make milk and he was designed to drink it, so I wasn't going to do it any other way than nature intended.  Who knew that nature insisted on testing my resolve?

The first three weeks I breastfed, it was hard.  I'm not going to lie.  I was very lucky that my son came out of the womb with an incredible ability to latch and suck.  Unfortunately, he sucked like a powerful vacuum and was still learning to get a proper latch with his tiny mouth.  He would be so hungry he'd attack my nipple and just start sucking away.  This caused a few cracks, and before I knew it, it was painful to breastfeed.  He'd latch on and I wanted to scream.  I remember thinking: am I going to be able to do this?  Followed by, who cares?  I am not giving up!

I called La Leche League and had a woman come help me.  She didn't give me much more than the lactation consultant at the hospital.  But, she did have helpful information, and she did help refresh my resolve.  At first, she had me trying to correct his latch.  I tried this for a few days, but soon it began to add more frustration than help.  I'd try to correct, but he was starving.  He was getting enough milk, so it wasn't creating a nutritional problem.  Finally, I went with my mommy intuition and started just letting him do it his way.  One thing I did teach him was "big mouth."  Whenever he'd come towards the nipple, I'd say "big mouth" when he got his mouth wide enough and then give him the nipple.   Soon enough, I could say "big mouth" and he's open his mouth wider.

Around three weeks, things just got better.  I'm not sure if his latch got better or his mouth just got bigger, but it started working.  We'd made it through.  And I'm forever grateful that we did.  It's not the easiest process in the world, but I still think it's the best decision we can make for our children.  There are so many reasons to love breastfeeding and to fight for it.  And once you win the battle, I think you'll find that, in the long run, breastfeeding is easier.

There are no bottles: no sterilizing, cleaning, drying, or having to remember.  Speaking from the exclusively breast-feeding standpoint...I never really have to think about it.  I don't have to find a bottle, make sure it's warm, make sure it's clean or sterile, or remember to bring it with me.  I know that as long as my son and I are together, I have exactly what he needs and I can give it to him in the time it takes to open my shirt (or occasionally throw a cover over myself).

I'm making the healthiest choice for my child.  Babies were designed to drink breastmilk.  In fact, their little tummies are not strong enough for anything else.  Their digestive systems are specifically designed to process just the breastmilk by absorbing proteins directly into the bloodstream.  For the first six months, any other proteins introduced will be absorbed in the same way rather than broken down as they should be...leading to digestive trouble and possibly allergies (this is why it's best to wait six months before introducing solids).  Babies exclusively breastfed (no formula, no solids) for the first 15 weeks have been shown to have significantly fewer respiratory problems in childhood.  Breastfeeding protects your child with immunities.  The more immunities, the less he gets sick.  Breastfeeding also leeds to lower incidences of asthma, obesity, diabetes from childhood into adulthood.  If you are working...think about how many less days you'd have to take off if your child didn't get sick.

Breastfeeding heightens the mother-child bond.  Gazing into your child's eyes while he feeds is an amazing feeling.  Sometimes my little guy stops and just smiles at me.  It's the greatest feeling in the world.

Breastfeeding is good for me too.   Not only does it help a woman's health...it just feels good.  The act of breastfeeding releases endorphins which help combat depression, sleep deprivation, and all those other wonderful post-pregnancy realities.  Pregnancy can have a devastating effect on the body...causing women to be more likely to get cancer, diabetes, depression, and other health issues.  Nature designed breastfeeding to repair the damage done.

It's cheaper!!  Formula is expensive.  Bottles are expensive.  Bottle warmers are expensive.  Even pumping adds a cost (you still need bottles, a pump, and storage).  So, just breastfeeding is always cheaper.  Granted, for women who have to work, you do have the expenditure of pumping...but it's still significantly less than formula!  Every time you take baby straight to breast, you save money and time.

No periods and lower likelihood of getting pregnant again.  This may not work entirely for all women, but breastfeeding generally prevents your cycle from returning.  Add in a progesterone pill and you are period and pregnancy free for a long while.

Ok, so breastfeeding is amazing, but it's not without some pitfalls (isn't everything?).  Yes, progesterone and pregnancy hormones cause water and weight retention in many women.  But...that usually all goes away when you stop and women who breastfeed usually lose more weight faster than women who don't.  Sometimes you have to change your diet in the early days.  But, parenting is about sacrifice, isn't it?  And there's always the possibility that your child gives up the bottle if you don't feed him pumped milk from a bottle often enough (which mine did!!).  But if being able to get away is that important to you, then just make sure you do at least one regular bottle of pumped milk a day.  And yes, you become much more tethered to your child...but how amazing it is for a secure attachment.  You might also have to deal with thrush or mastitis...but those too can be fixed.

At the end of the day, it's about doing what's best for our kiddos, right?  My hope for the world and mothers everywhere is that everyone comes to love breastfeeding the way I do.

Do you?

The Only Parenting Book I Didn't Want to Throw In the Trash

I bought many parenting books when I was pregnant. I read them and took them to heart.

And then, I had a baby.

Between my instincts and my experience with children, as well as my knowledge about child development, I went from listening to ignoring. The ideas sounded like they could work for some...just not on my high-needs child. Methods I found in many books just didn't work for me or him.

Now, I have found many medical/holistic books helpful. Books that tell you about how to deal with colds or rashes, etc. have been a great reference for me. All of Dr. Sears' books have been helpful, particularly The Baby Bookand The Sleep Book. These books are both medical and developmental. Additionally, Natural Baby and Childcareby Dr. Lauren Feder has been extremely helpful for non-western medicine options. I think these books are great for new parents. With all my knowledge about development, I'm still not a doctor nor do I know about infants extensively, and there are always questions surfacing.

It was all the other books that drove me nuts. Any books that referenced sleep training became particularly annoying. Any questions about sleep that I have, I end up referencing Dr. Sears' books. I'm far more comfortable with the attachment parenting perspective on sleep when it comes to my child. I felt like a lot of the books I was reading assumed how children are all the same or should be. Hardly any books (outside of Dr. Sears' books) even seem to take into account that each child is different. If parenting is about following the child, and I do believe it is, then we need parenting books that teach us how to make observations and find solutions based on our child's own needs. Information about development and how it relates to your child is the most helpful, coupled with ideas on how to work with your child. Parenting books that make grand generalizations or put parenting into the perspective that there's only one way to do things only make many of us feel confused or shamed that we are doing the wrong thing even though our instincts say otherwise. My biggest issue with so many of these books is that they want to baby train. The problem with baby training, in my opinion, is that not only does it fail to be sensitive to a child's developmental needs but it also fails to teach parents how to parent. The best way to work with a child is to observe his needs, interests, and emotions, and help him achieve safety, independence, and confidence within that framework. I feel that baby training fails to do this and instead steals confidence from our children by forcing rather than assisting.

Enter the only book I didn't throw in the trash: What Babies Say Before They Can Talk. This book discusses the nine researched infant emotional signals. These nine signals (interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, fear, disgust, dissmell, shame, and anger) are they framework for reading and understanding your child. The great thing about this book is that it does more than show you how to observe these emotional experiences in your child; it also shows you how to make parenting decisions based on what you see. It's a parenting arsenal in that it gives you tools rather than tells you one way of handling something. In terms of following the child, it's somewhat of a legend to your child's map.

As a Montessorian, I am trained to make observations of children and then formulate ways of working with them from my observations. Reading this book, I saw that the authors made a lot of suggestions I myself would make and so I knew they were coming at this from the same perspective I am. Still, they were able to teach me so much more. Once you understand and can observe the nine signals, they show you how to validate your child's emotions and react to them. The verbal validation is really striking and it has really helped me understand how to soothe or redirect my child patiently while still accepting his emotional experience. Validating a child's emotions is crucial to helping them learn to trust themselves and their decisions.

I highly recommend this book, and it's the first book I ever recommend to anyone who asks. If you ever wanted support in understanding your child, it can definitely give it to you. And what I like is that is factual, not judgmental.

Anyone else know of a great book helping you follow your child?

To Watch or Not to Watch?: TV, the Infant Brain, and Language Development

Oh television, how I have a weakness for thee.  So begins my dilemma...

With all the changes a child brings to your life coupled with the ongoing sleep deprivation, it seems like torture to a television lover like myself to give up the TV.  But it's starting to look more and more like that's the only way to go.  I've been trying desperately to research the specifics.  How does television affect my child's brain and how can I minimize the damage without driving myself nuts??

Let's start with the American Academy of Pediatricians recommendation for NO television under the age of two.  It seems intuitive, but I began to wonder what the problem was specifically.  What I discovered is that the problem with TV is not the television itself at this age, but what the child is not doing instead.  Infants watching TV aren't interacting with anything.  Visual images just cannot teach them what they need to learn.  They need to be figuring out how to move and how to speak.  They learn language not just from hearing it but from watching your lips move.  And they need to see different people make the same sound to make the connection...so they need exposure to lots of people and lots of face time.  In fact, I notice my son not only wants to look at my mouth while I talk but often puts his hand over my lips to feel how they are moving.  He certainly can't do that with a TV.  Every second an infant watches television is a second not spent figuring out the world.  And it is a big world, and he has a lot to learn.

Now, I had no intention of really putting my son in front of the TV.  Although, I will admit, there are moments where he's completely falling apart and I just want to use the bathroom and I hope that maybe five minutes of television will achieve this for me??  So, the universe is well aware, I've tried.  Luckily, (and I say this both relieved and begrudged) he won't watch.  He just insists upon the face time.  So, at the end of my day, I don't really have to worry about putting him in front of the television.  No, it's all about tummy time, games, walks, and activities for him.

But what about me???

When I set my son down and let him play with his toys, I interact with him some.  But then, I also want him to learn to concentrate on something without me.  As a Montessorian, I firmly believe what you should not interrupt a child when they have begun to concentrate.  Interaction or distraction breaks the concentration and the concentration does not return in the same way.  Who knows how long the child would have stayed with it had you not interrupted?  Concentration is built by moments of interest when the child chooses to concentrate.  So when he's playing with something, he doesn't need me to be talking to him, the time for language will be later when he's done with the toy and wants to interact with me.  So what do I do?  At the moment, I can't go too far...he's at the place where he's starting to crawl but can't quite get it yet and tends to fall over.  I can steal a few minutes by placing him in the boppy, but it's still not very long.  When he was younger, he was in constant need of support.  I can't break out the computer because that requires two hands and now he's drawn to the, so it's a very large distraction.  Reading is always an option, it's true, but sometimes I just like to turn on the TV and watch while he plays.  So, my new question became, what is the impact of MY watching television on my son.

At the moment, research says that it is less time I am talking to my son.  Studies have found that adults in the presences of audible television talk less to their children.  However, I pay attention only during periods of time he's actually concentrating on something else.  When he's ready for my attention, he gets it.  Also, I never watch anything with scary images and I stay far away from the news, so if he does look up, I don't worry about what he's seeing.  But still, I wonder, should I just give up on the TV and pick up a book instead?

After reading Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, I feel like I have a little more information about the decisions I am making.  The truth is, children don't just learn language by hearing words, they learn it by seeing lips move while making words.  So, they have to be interested in language at the moment.  I can always tell when my son is because he seeks out my face and stares at my lips.  Even more important to language development is interaction with your child when he makes a sound.  Specifically, it is touch that will alert your child that you are responding to his sounds.  When your child makes sounds, it is again a moment where he is showing interest in language.  At this point, you can follow his lead by touching him in response and making sounds or words as well.  If he is staring at your face and looking to touch your lips, these are also great times to make sounds and language for him.  In addition, I sing all the time when I am doing things with my son.  He loves it, it's soothing, and it draws him into the language.

So I made my decision: as long as the majority of the time my son is getting enriching language experiences, then it's ok for me to watch television while he is learning to entertain himself.  As long as it does not distract him too much and he is not watching, it's okay for me to put the television on in the background, especially if I make certain I am always aware of his desire to interact or experience language.  It is our awareness of our children that will help shape their experiences, and it seems that television becomes a bad thing when it takes that awareness away and if it pulls your child out of his environment.  I have, however, made the decision not to put him in front of children's programming and let him actively watch television until he is much older (and even then, under strict supervision and I will make an effort to watch with him).

These decisions will change as he changes, and one day, I will not be watching television hardly at all.  But at the moment, I am reminded that we need to make our decisions based on information and awareness of our children.  THAT is how we know we are making the right ones.

The Baby K'Tan Carrier: My Babywearing Savior

I have not yet come across a product I want to review; until I came across the baby carrier called the Baby K'Tan (www.babyktan.com).  I am in love with this carrier, and it is slowly saving my life.

Up until I gave birth to my son, I was a huge proponent of babywearing.  Babywearing has so many benefits, not only for mom but for baby as well.  From the attachement parenting perspective, it is the ultimate MUST.  Claims about babywearing say babies who are worn are more organized and learn more, cry less, and are smarter.  There are also claims that when babies are worn they sleep better.  I'm not sure about studies that go along with these claims; I've never deeply researched it.  I do know that some studies have shown a reduction in crying through babywearing and improved bonding between mother and child.  To receive the benefits of babywearing, they say you should wear your baby at least three hours a day.

Without statistical evidence, there are some very obvious benefits to babywearing.  You get to hold your baby and have your child close to you while being hands free and able to move around.  It encourages bonding and lets you be close to your child even with all the things you have to do during the day.  For newborns, it provides a post-partum womb like experience; your baby gets rocked just like in the womb and is almost swaddled up close to your body.  In many carriers you can easily nurse (but stay covered) and so, your baby becomes easily portable.

Unfortunately, once my son was born, I became the baby carrier.  Certainly not a hands-free experience.  When your child just won't be put down, babywearing is the best thing you can do.  However, my son hated being in a carrier.  He screamed the second I put him in it.  I could always see why too; I never felt comfortable with any of the carriers.  I felt like he was completely unsupported.  I tried the Maya Ring Sling, the New Native carrier, the Sleepy Wrap, and I have an Ergo Carrier.  Don't get me wrong, when he's big, I think the Sleepy Wrap and Ergo carrier will be great for him.  But as a newborn, they just didn't put him in a comfortable position (they only carry him upright).  I returned the ring sling immediately, as well as the New Native carrier.  The former felt unstable to me.  The latter may work for bigger babies, but my newborn got lost in it: definitely not safe.  So there I was, no baby carrier but my arms and a baby that hated being ANYWHERE else.

Enter the Baby K'Tan.  In desperation, I was searching the internet for the right carrier.  The Moby Wrap was the only other one I knew of that could carry my son in the hold I wanted, but there was just no way I was going to learn to put it on.  I had seen videos...that's a very complicated procedure if you have a screaming child.  The Sleepy Wrap could also put my son in a hammock carry, but it was hard to get on with my son screaming.  The Baby K'Tan solved all my problems.  It held him snugly in the hammock hold and allowed me to breastfeed on the move but still keep him covered.  At the time, to convince him to fall asleep in it, I would put him in and breastfeed him until he fell asleep.  Then we were good to go.  If he woke up and needed coaxing back to sleep, I could easily breastfeed him again.

When we graduated from the hammock hold (my son won't even be carried sideways at all now), I was again frustrated.  I've learned a lot about spreading a babies hips (like you would in the Ergo) and suspending baby from his crotch (like they do in the Infantino and Baby Bjorn early front and back carriers).  Actually, the Baby K'tan has a way to face baby front and back suspended from crotch, but I won't use it.  There is a small risk of it negatively affecting the spinal development, plus, how good can hanging from your crotch for long periods of time really be?  There's all sorts of baby gadgets I avoid because of that.  So, the Baby K'tan actually allowed me to invent my own hold that puts him in front of me but without spreading his legs yet.  The extra piece for tying made it possible.  Actually, I was able to pull off the same hold in the Sleepy Wrap, but at the moment, it still takes too long to get on in comparison.

So, thank you Baby K'tan.  Because of you, my very heavy son is easily portable, and that makes my life a whole lot easier.  Plus, he enjoys it now.  So a huge recommendation from me to all the moms out there...if you are interested in baby wearing, try this one out.

Should Baby Sleep With You?: Making the Bed-Sharing Decision

I began this post's title with "should."  I use this word even though I hate it because it's a word that we parents always hear.  The truth is, with babies, "should" is a stupid word.  There's too much variation with children.  With parenting, you need to explore the world of could not should.

So, bed-sharing.  Did we get there?  Oh, yes, we did.  And I know that many parents do this but don't admit it, so I'm going to announce it loud and proud..."World, my baby sleeps in my bed!!!"  Did I want to get here?  No, not really.  I like my space.  Don't get me wrong, there is something about your child rubbing your arm in the middle of the night to make sure you are there that might be one of the most special feelings in the world.  At the same time, waking you up isn't necessarily fun.  At the end of the day, it came down to something very simple: I see no other options.

Here we are back to: what does he need?  In the early months, swaddling kept my son happy at night.  Yes, he woke up multiple times a night, but he went back to sleep outside our bed...usually in his bouncer.  But, then it was time to graduate.  The swaddle was now waking him up.  So we removed it.  And all hell broke loose.  We tried letting him sleep in his bouncer without the swaddle.  No go.  We tried the bassinet that rocks.  No go.  We tried a pack and play.  No go.  Every time he woke up (sometimes after twenty minutes when it took me forty minutes of rocking just to place him down), I was finding myself angry.  Grumbling obscenities to myself.  Throwing tantrums and waking my husband up with "what the hell am I supposed to do!!!!"  Finally, I did what the Sears family (of Dr. and and RN Sears) ended up doing.  Just bringing baby into bed.  And he slept.

Ok, so he doesn't sleep through the night, nowhere close.  But when he wakes, five minutes of a breast-feed tops and he's back out, and so am I.  I put him down in our bed and he'll sometimes sleep a few hours before it's time for me to go to bed and join him.  The reality is, he needs to know I'm there.  He's tiny and the very idea of being alone in the world is too much for him.  He needs it, so we're going with it.

When you make a decision like this, one that goes completely against what everyone else does (or will admit to doing), it can be rough going.  Especially, if it wasn't in your "plan" (I will condemn the idea of plans in another post).  I think most people don't admit to it because they don't want to defend it, and they certainly don't want to feel like they are doing something wrong or are taking the easy way out.  And even more so, you really hate to feel like you could be doing something detrimental to your child.  But at the end of the day, I am completely against sleep-training.  In my opinion, it's the same thing as telling your baby to "buck up" because you will be abandoning him all night long.  I just can't do it.  This solution (when letting him sleep on his own in our room and going to him when he woke didn't work) feels much better to me.

And then, there's all the other stuff.  SIDS, rolling over on baby, pediatrician recommendations, studies, etc.  So, here are a few thoughts on that.

SIDS:  This is a very scary thing.  But, my question is, how on earth are you supposed to know if baby is breathing when he's in a different room?  Even in the same room, I was not nearly as aware of what my son's breathing patterns were when he was in the bassinet.  Now, I know every move he makes, and I think I would certainly know if he stopped making them.  Truth is, as a mother, I now feel safer with him next to me than I ever did with him away from me.

Rolling Over:  This one is also very scary, and often the experts reason for not bed-sharing.  I have no idea how I would ever roll over on my son.  I hardly move when he's next to me because I am so aware of him.  My husband was very worried about this as well, but we are finding that he is just as aware of him.  Granted, if you are taking sleeping pills, drinking a lot, doing drugs, or anything else that might make you an unaware sleeper, then this is probably something you should worry about.  It probably means that your life style needs another solution.  Or you need to go to bed sober.

Pediatricians:  Some are ok with bed-sharing, some are against.  There's a lot of liability that goes on when they make their decisions as well.  I find that doctors often make recommendations based on worse case scenario.  You can't recommend bed-sharing and then have one mother take a sleeping pill or get wasted and roll over on her child.  Some parents just ruin everything for the rest of us.

Studies:  NIH has a study that shows that bed-sharing is on the rise, so more people are doing it (perhaps than are admitting it).   It is very popular world-wide, just not so much in this country.  Currently, there is no real evidence of a link between SIDS and bed-sharing.  Studies have found that there are no negative developmental outcomes due to bed-sharing (behaviorally or academically).

So, in my opinion, there is no should not to bed-sharing.  As for should, that's always a matter of needs for your family and your child.  Could it be an option for you?  Yes, of course.  Whether or not you choose to take it will be a decision you make in the best interest of your family.  In our case, it's working.  Mommy isn't having temper tantrums in the middle of the night and baby is sleeping.  That's success in my book.

Mommy Doubt

Finally, I am back to blogging.  My high needs baby has made blogging a very hard task, but I am finally figuring it all out.  Well, sort of.

As six months have passed, I have moments of what I call extreme Mommy Doubt.  That moment when you wonder if you are doing it right.  Are your instincts right, are your decisions correct, are you doing the best for your child?  With a high needs infant, it seems even harder.  Every time I spend time around other mothers and children in a group (mom/infant yoga for example), I see all these babies that operate so much more easily than mine.  Babies that fall asleep on their own!  Stories about babies that wake up once a night, twice a night at most.  These are not my stories.  My stories you will hear, once again.  I am hoping that returning to the blog will help me sort out my mommy doubt.  I am hoping to hear stories from others who share my experiences.

I can say that when moments of Mommy Doubt arise, and they do many times, my son always helps me regain my confidence.  Because the truth is, he is who he is and he is different from other babies.  And that's okay.  It means my parenting choices may sometimes have to be different.  It means I can't always take the advice of others who had or have different children.  Convention has never been my strong suit anyway.  My barometer is that the decisions I make always reflect his needs and his interests.

So, here's to all the mommies who suffer from moments of Mommy Doubt.  The truth is, you know your child.  If your decisions are in his or her best interests, then you can't be going wrong.  You just have to be there for them.