As I contemplated fantasy in my last post, Montessori, Fantasy, Reality, and The Younger Child, I became continually aware of the topic and its relevance with the upcoming holiday season: my son's first Christmas. When it comes to fantasy and fairy tale, I believe that it is important to help children become clear on what is real and not real, while still enjoying the wonderful enrichment of these stories. If one of the goals we have for our children is honesty, then it is equally important that we always be honest with them.
So then, what do we do about Santa?
At first, I thought, Santa is a lie. While my son has no idea this current holiday of what I am talking about, I figure now is the time to set the tone. But, for the sake of honesty, do I want to tell my child that Santa doesn't exist? Or, if I do tell him and then he one day learns the truth, do I want him to think that I am a liar?
In the end, I decided that with those things that are about faith and a little bit of magic, I think it's okay to let our children believe in what may or may not be real. I don't think it really is a lie. Because, even though I know now that there is no man who flies around on roof tops and gives gifts to all the children of the world, I still very much hope to believe that the spirit of what he represents is a very real thing and will always exist. He is a personification of the idea of giving, and that idea will always be real. If it is something that, even as an adult, you still hold onto, then it is just as important for your little one to be a part of it. Because, at the end of the day, don't we all believe in Santa? If Santa and his magic are those of goodness and joy, then can they damage a child? How many of us adults still hold onto their existence and wish it to be true?
But, I will be careful. I will focus on the beauty of what Santa represents rather than all the little details that have turned him into a product mover and behavior monitor. I think to tell our children that if they are bad they won't get a gift is just a set-up for all sorts of unfortunate priorities. Children's behavior needs to be a reflection of self-discipline. They should be following rules because they learn to believe those rules are important and need to be there, not because some arbitrary person won't give them something (which no parent follows through with anyways). Santa shouldn't exist so that parents have a "bad-cop" for a month. And the point of Santa shouldn't be getting; the point of Santa should be giving. If anything, I wish that the Santa story would change from giving children gifts who are good, to giving to children who give to others. Pay it forward so to speak. And if my son one day asks me about these parts of the Santa story that I have not shared with him, I will tell him very honestly that, as with all stories of things wonderful, sometimes people get confused and change the story or add to it in ways that are not about the true spirit of the story.
So, I will teach my child about the original and very real St. Nicholas who taught others how to give. And I will use the beauty of Santa to teach my child about giving. Because that fantasy and that magic is worth passing on. I will show him ways to give during the holiday season, so that he will also be a part of that magic. And yes, we will still make cookies for santa, but he will get to help me make them, and learn and share in that experience as well.
Still, what is important is the child's trust. If we tell the child something unreal, will he ever trust us with what is real? If we tell our children stories of magic, will they believe us when they learn that what we've told them may not exist? But then, I thought about religion and the belief in a God. And I thought, sometimes faith is based on the not knowing. Sometimes, what it's really about, is what that thing represents. And so, as we grow up and learn that some of the details may be imaginative, the real details, the spirit of it all, are as tangible as the day we wrote our first letter to Santa.
In our house, we believe.
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