The first thing we always want to do as parents is jump in, right? It's like a deep rooted instinct propelling you forward. We don't even have to think, we just react. We are always there to save the day.
Except, sometimes, saving the day really isn't helping anything. Oh, when there's imminent danger or an injury, swooping in is important. I think that's why we have those instincts; we need to be able to not think and just react when we have to. Otherwise, we might panic. But, when it comes to most instances of parenting, sometimes we need to fight the instinct and just step back.
So often, we are so hell bent on protecting everything (our child, our floors, our walls, etc.) that we end up hindering our child's learning process. Children need to be allowed to explore and react. It may not always go well, but humans learn from experiences, both good and bad.
It's a scary thing; and there's also a fine line. How do we allow independence while keeping our children safe? And what's the benefit of independence? What's the benefit of letting children figure things out on their own?
The latter questions are easier to answer. Independence is crucial to learning, because humans learn through experience. A few humans can learn from others through rules or anecdotes, but most need hands-on experience of their own. And many need repetitive experiences in order to learn. So, if you want a child to learn, you have to give him the opportunity to explore...on his own.
And, so, how do we both keep our children safe while letting them explore. And again, we come to the moment of parental pause. It is a moment of vigilance because you are watching your child closely. It is a moment that many Montessori teachers have learned to capitalize upon. It is the moment of waiting and seeing.
When your child begins to interact with something that could go in the direction of problematic, you may wish to jump in before the problem. If that problem is imminent danger, severe injury, or death, then it of course makes sense to intervene before seeing what happens. However, if the possible problem may simply require a clean up, it's better to wait and see how things play out. If we are always jumping in to intervene, children can't learn to problem-solve or see consequences. Sometimes breaking something is a necessary conclusion for the child to make. Sometimes children need to try to work out a conflict themselves an learn to seek help for resolution rather than be given it before they ask.
With my little guy, I find myself waiting to see what he chooses to do with something before I take it away. Sometimes he chooses to use things appropriately, and other times it gets to a point where I have to take it away and distract him with something else. I am certain that letting him explore things and waiting to intervene teaches us both something. He learns new ways to interact with things and I learn about the choices and explorations he chooses to make. Taking a step back benefits both of us. And yes, sometimes I'm cleaning up a mess, or something breaks, or he gets soaked (he just loves the dog's water bowl), or I have to distract him when he's upset that I inevitably took something away. But, it's all just part of the process of learning. And, I think that's worth it.
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