Making the Circumcision Decision

When I found out we were having a boy, I have to tell you, I was relieved.  While most people feel that girls are easier to raise as young children, as a Montessori teacher, I know I have the skills to handle what any young boy can throw at me.  My biggest fear?  The teenage girl.  Don't get me wrong, I hope we have a girl one day.  But for my first foray into parenthood, I was very glad to see those little testicles on the sonogram screen!

But then, I realized, there was one decision we had to make that suddenly made me nervous.  I hadn't thought about it until my midwife asked me: "are you going to circumcise?"  Circumcise?!  What a decision to make!  I know a lot of people have very strong opinions about this.  Some people are very supportive of circumcision for religious reasons, while others feel that it is the standard and should just be done.  Arguments have been made that circumcision is in the best health interests of the male.  Other people, however, are extremely against this procedure, calling it male genital mutilation and suggesting that it lowers sexual arousal.  And me?  I had no idea what I thought on the matter.  I don't have one!

I remember turning to my husband and saying "you make this decision, you have one."  But I knew that couldn't possibly be the end of it.  Even though my husband is circumcised, he didn't want that to be the reason for our decision.  So we began to look into it further.

I started with the medical reasons.  I figured, if the medical community can tell me unequivocally that it is the healthy decision to make, then that's the decision to make.  Unfortunately, it turns out, the medical community can't do that.  According to the policy statement of the American Academy of Pediatrics:

"Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision. In circumstances in which there are potential benefits and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being, parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child."

That brings me right back to square one.  There is little research that suggests circumcision helps with hygiene.  The medical benefits suggested have been lower risks of HIV transmission, penile cancer, and urinary tract infections.   But the research is not strong enough to make the medical community say that circumcision is the best decision.  Nor does it make them believe it outweighs any risks of complications from circumcision, like infection, bleeding, psychological trauma, and mostly, pain.  Granted, these risks are very minor, but at the moment, the same could be said for the actual amount in which circumcision lowers the risks of STDs and cancer.  There is some research that says that circumcision lowers male sexual arousal, but then again, that research isn't conclusive either.  So, back and forth they go, leaving the medical community in no position to tell you what's best.

Next, I figured we 'd look at the rate of circumcision.  Would it be better for our son to be more like everyone else?  Currently, 80% or more of American men are circumcised, but that seems to be changing drastically.  According to the NY Times, the rate of circumcision is down from 56% of newborns in 2006 to 32.9% in 2009 (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/health/research/17circ.html?_r=1&ref=health).  So, it appears that not circumcising our son would put him in the majority for his peer group.  Why this is, no one really seems to know.  Some people think the attitude for the shift could have to do with groups pushing more education about the issue, while others think that the growing light being shed on female genital mutilation has led many to wonder why it would be ok to cut boys but not girls.  It could also be that with all the research giving little conclusive evidence to the medical value of circumcision, people are having a harder time making that decision.

Once I knew that doctors couldn't help me make my decision and that our son would not be a pariah in the larger community, I felt like I had a lot of information but was still back at square one.  No one was going to help us make this decision.  We were just going to have to decide what the best decision was for us as a family.  We had to decide whether or not it was worth it to us.  My husband came to me and said "you know what, I don't think we should do it, I just can't think of a reason."  My emotional reaction to this statement ended up being relief.  I hadn't even realized that was how I felt deep down.

A day later, I was sitting around the table talking to some family members about having to make this decision when I got even more information.  My brother came running into the room and said "you're not going to circumcise are you?"  Suddenly, I realized it had never dawned on me to ask about my own family members and the decision they had made.  I discovered that neither my brother nor my father are circumcised as this is not a tradition in Indian families (my father is Indian and my mother is British).  In fact, circumcision is not practiced in Hindu families and I learned that my grandmother (who was devoutly Hindu when she was alive) was very much against it.  Hmm, was someone going to make up my mind for me?  At the same time, my brother made it very clear that he has no qualms about being uncircumcised and has never felt strange because of it.

At the end of the day, neither my husband nor I are very religious.  So I really don't think we could make this decision from that perspective.  We also are not very big on what everyone else is doing, so while it worked out in our favor that the attitudes in the states are changing, I don't think it really influenced our decision.  I think the reason we finally made the decision not to circumcise is that neither of us could really find a good reason to circumcise our son.  It seems painful and not altogether necessary.  When he's older, we figure, he can always make the decision for circumcision.  But, if we make that decision now, he can never unmake it.

The way I see it is that the best way to make this decision is to make an informed one, and then, do what's best for your family.  In the end, that's all you can do.