As the countdown goes from months to weeks to days, so increases the looks of concern, wishes of good fortune, and general expectations of labor anxiety. The most common thing I have heard, after answering when I'm due or how much longer I have, are the parting words "good luck." For the most part, I have come to see this as a benevolent understanding that I am about to embark on something as physically taxing as a marathon, and thus the words for my good fortune make sense; the same words you would offer any athlete before the big day.
However, while most strangers are more sensitive with their remarks, I have found that not all are, and even less so are the people who know you a little better. And so, it brings me to the number of birth stories, comments, looks, and behaviors that tell us pregnant women to be afraid; be very afraid. We all know how these stories go, whether or not we have been pregnant. Everyone has heard a horrifying birth story. Everyone "knows" that birth "has to be" painful. It comes along with the endless remarks of "you're going to want" or "just you wait." It seems that so many of the pregnant women who have come before us have had terrible experiences, and they cannot believe it could be any other way. Despite the fact that EVERY pregnancy is different (and this is true of even the different pregnancies the same woman might have), women seem to believe that everyone is going to experience the same things that they did. The most crucial part of this being that the experience of labor is going to be, well, excruciating.
When I discovered Hypnobirthing, I became aware of the very idea that these stories, ideas, and perpetuations of anxiety, have contributed to the continued experience of painful birth experiences for women. Biologically, it makes so much sense. Decades ago, an obstetrician named Dr. Grantly Dick-Read outlined what he called the Fear-Tension-Pain Syndrome. After all of the horrendous and painful experiences he had witnessed of well-to-do women in hospitals, he became privy to the experiences of lower class women giving birth outside the hospital. Previously he had only seen women writhing in pain, but outside the hospital, he began to see women giving birth with serenity and even, laughter. The famous line of one of these women he observed: "It didn't hurt. It wasn't meant to, was it, Doctor?" Dr. Dick-Read became a proponent of natural childbirth, and he began to hypothesize that it was fear that ultimately led to the painful experiences that women have in childbirth. By going into the experience believing that it should and would hurt, women immediately put themselves into a state of tension.
When the body is in a state of tension and stress, it has a very simple "fight or flight" reaction. The body releases hormones that redirect blood flow to the parts of the body that are needed for fight or flight. The uterus is not one of these parts of the body. The result is that the uterus, which needs the entire attention of the body to facilitate labor, has now lost most of its blood flow, restricting the ability of it's muscles to open up the cervix. The result: a baby trying to descend and continuously pushing up against a cervix that is having a very difficult time dilating and a uterus that has to push and pull even harder to solve the problem. Sounds painful, doesn't it?
So what is the solution to all this pain? As simple as it seems...going into birth with a positive fearless attitude and being able to relax to allow all blood flow to the uterus are the keys to a calmer and less dramatic birth. Hypnobirthing Childbirth Education was the method I used to learn more about this process and prepare to walk into the labor room with my head held high. It has taught me to relax and believe that I can do this with all the ease in the world. I can be primal and natural. But, despite all the moments a person spends in class or at home focusing on relaxation techniques...you still have to walk out into the big, bad, world; and all of its opinions.
And so, I'd like to make a call to all those women with stories out there. If you have a terrible birthing story, consider that maybe your experience could have been empowered had the women around you supported your primal abilities and the belief that you could do it without pain! Consider what might happen if all women stopped spreading the horror and began to empower each other. Imagine what would happen if we took back childbirth!! Let's tell the positive parts of our birth stories, share positive stories we have heard from other women (if we don't have our own), and help women achieve calmness and excitement about birth. Maybe then we will have even more positive birth stories to add to the mix.
As for me, I'm going to walk in with my head held high, no matter what anyone thinks I should know or be prepared for. I am not afraid. I am ready.
And I will let you know what THAT birth story looks like when it comes.
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