Quotable Montessori

I'm always inspired by the words of Dr. Montessori.  I thought I'd share a thought of hers each Friday :)

"We cannot know the consequences of suppressing a child's spontaneity when he is just beginning to be active. We may even suffocate life itself. That humanity which is revealed in all its intellectual splendor during the sweet and tender age of childhood should be respected with a kind of religious veneration. It is like the sun which appears at dawn or a flower just beginning to bloom. Education cannot be effective unless it helps a child to open up himself to life.”

-- Maria Montessori


(photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net )

Playing with Dust: The Sensitive Period for Small Things

I was watching my son play with a small speck of dust on the floor today, and it reminded me of one of the most noticeable sensitive periods in children.  The sensitive period for small objects begins to appear around the age of one (or earlier/later depending on the child).  Children at this age become fixated on small objects and drawn to small details (their brains are hardwired to do so!).  Little rocks (like my son is picking up in the picture above), little objects, little pieces of dirt, they all hold a special fascination for the very young child; a fascination they will keep for the next for the next few years (if your child is four, he or she may be doing the same thing!).    My son can spend a fair amount of time pushing around and interacting with something I never would have even noticed.  He can quickly point out the discrepancies in what you may have thought was a very clean environment.  

The development of this sensitive period is the brain’s way of understanding and observing the little things that make up the world; things that adults often overlook because their brains are focused on the big picture.  For a child to ever understand the big picture, they must first deconstruct that picture down to the very smallest levels of minutia.  They must discover all the little pieces that comprise that picture. This attention to detail also contributes to the physical development of the young child.  To interact with these small objects, they must develop highly skilled coordinations of the body and hand, such as hand-eye coordination, dexterity, development of the pincer grip, and control of fine movement.  These interactions become an interplay in their minds between the discoveries of the world and the mastery of their physical abilities. 

Children at this age need time and patience from adults to encourage them to explore these little things.  It's a difficult endeavor to support, considering when they first become fascinated with these small objects, they also want to put them in their mouths.  It's difficult for adults to allow this level of exploration to happen when it can be dangerous.  When my son was younger and in the stage of putting everything into his mouth, I tried to balance letting him explore with keeping him safe.  I would let him interact with the object and only intervene when I saw his hand start towards his mouth ("out of the mouth" I would say as I pushed his hand and the object away from his mouth).  It meant I had to be vigilant, but it also meant I wasn't stifling his developmental explorations.  Now that he's older, sometimes things head towards the mouth but he hesitates and I am able to remind him to keep the object out of his mouth before he does.  

My favorite thing about this sensitive period is the impact that it can have on the adults around the child.  It’s a gift for adults to take time to remember to appreciate all those little things.  Sometimes we are so focused on the big picture, only the child's unique fascinations can remind of us of all the beautiful components of the world.

The Learn N' Turn!

I just bought this product the other day and I love it already.  My son has been showing a lot of interest in using utensils.  If I forget to give him one, he demands mine.  So, now, I always make sure to include the necessary utensils with his table setting.  However, I noticed that it's very hard for him to get the angle correct with both the spoon and the fork.  The straight line of the utensils does not allow for him to use them with any sort of ease and he gets frustrated easily.  To solve the problem, I searched the internet.  Quickly, I found the Learn N'Turn.

The Learn N' Turn is a children's utensil that allows you to clip in a fork or spoon attachment that can change angles, so not only can it assist your child with using the utensil, but as they gain in their ability you can increase the challenge until they are able to use a typical utensil.  I love the idea.  It's just a great way to help a child be successful and encourage their development of skill, as well as interest to learn that skill.

My son still needs some help getting things on the fork.  Sometimes he gets confused between the action of spooning versus the action of forking (I need to create some practical life activities for the shelf so he can practice!).  Often, I help guide his hand with the fork so that he can get something on it.

He has no problem finding his mouth, though!

This device is a fantastic idea for toddlers!  I'm not completely thrilled that it's plastic, but it is at least BPA-free.  It comes in many different colors.  I was able to purchase mine on Amazon, but you can also buy it directly from LC Pals.  For replacement parts you have to go directly to Learn N' Turn's site.

Another step on the road to independence!!

Post-Vaccination Fears and Rehabilitation

I am stressed.

My son had the MMR vaccination a week ago (on it's own and without any others) and, let's face it, no matter what you believe or don't believe, it's a scary experience.  Especially a week later when you get reactions like a fever and diarrhea (which he has).  It's terrifying to know that something you allowed to enter your child's bloodstream is now making him sick.  If you go on the internet to see what other experiences mother's have, you may find your fears alleviated, or you may find them completely ramped up.  For this reason, I never recommend going on the internet for information if you're the kind of person who believes everything that you read; you really have to be able to rationally except that not everything is true, fact-based, or statistically significant.  You have to be able to look for multiple sources to confirm information.  And, honestly, even when you know all that...it won't make you any less anxious.

What am I afraid of?  All of it...Autism, metal toxicity, vaccination damage, etc.  And while I personally believe that vaccinations do not have a causal relationship to Autism, I do believe that it's possible they make some contribution to the problem.  This isn't an anti-vaccination post or a post about vaccinations and Autism, however.  I take no official stance on the matter of vaccinations...I believe it's a personal decision every family has to make.  Yes, we are a vaccinating family (for now), but I never know if I'm doing the "right" thing.  The reality is, when choosing to vaccinate or not, you are choosing between the lesser of two evils, but you have no real confirmation of which one is the lesser evil.  Non-vaccinating leaves your child and others open to disease, while vaccinating leaves your child vulnerable to a large number of metals and toxins. There are so many opinions in both camps as to which is worse.  In the end, it's everyone-for-themselves when making that decision.  And even when you choose to vaccinate but spread them out or omit some (as we do), it doesn't make you feel any better about your decision.  I've read so much information on both sides of the debate and nothing makes me feel any closer to making a decision I can live with.  I have a hard tim trusting the allopathic medical community, and an even harder time feeling that many of the vaccinations that we give now (if I follow the CDC schedule to the letter, my son will have 5 times more vaccinations than I did) have more to do with drug company lobbying than real risk.  And so, I (and I bet many other parents) end up stressed.

So, I make the decisions I can make when it comes to vaccinating and I assume the risk and doubt my decisions.  However, there is one thing I can do.  One power I have left in this frustrating debate is that I can help my child process the vaccinations and rehabilitate his body in the aftermath.  These are the remedies I have begun using:

• Vitamins:  I'm not the biggest fan of vitamins, particularly synthetic ones.  Normally, I would choose foods that would up the vitamin levels, but for now we are going with vitamins that are sourced from "whole foods" because my son is also teething and refusing the foods I need him to eat.  I eat the foods and take the vitamins and he gets the vitamins through my breastmilk.  Each vaccination can deplete certain vitamin stores and certain vitamins can help the body process the vaccination.  For the MMR, I know that it depletes stores of Vitamin A and B6, so I have been taking those.  I have also read many studies about how Vitamin A helps the body process measles in the gut, and so I started my son on it before he even received the shot.  Vitamin C is another great vitamin to include in your regime as it helps boost immunity.  

• Probiotics:  The issues that surround vaccinations and, often, the MMR often center around the gut.  Vaccinations like the MMR include an antibiotic agent that kill good bacteria responsible for supporting the immune system to rid the body of disease (oh, the irony!).  By heavily dosing my son with probiotics before and after his injection, I can help his body replenish this much needed bacteria.  Not only will it replenish lost bacteria, but it boosts the immune system and aids in detoxing.  I already give him a probiotic daily and have simply increased the dose during this process.

• Chiropractor:  I've increased my son's visits to weekly until he's though processing the vaccination and it"s reaction in order to help his body communicate.

• Elderberry Syrup:  Elderberry helps fight viruses and support the immune system.  I already give this to my son daily, but I increased the amount during the vaccination process just as I would if he had gotten sick naturally  

• Clay Baths:  Chelation is the process of removing metal toxins from the body.  Vaccinations are full of metals and children are also exposed to an abundance of metals in the very chemical environment we have created around them.  There are internal chelation liquids for children, but I have chosen not to use those since I really don't know much about them and don't want to add anything more into my son's system.  Instead, I found a clay bath for children that draws out metal toxins.

Being proactive makes me feel better about this whole process.  I have to remember to control what I can and be vigilant about what I can't.  

How do you deal with the fears?  How do you help your child's body recuperate?

Practical Life: Being Ready For When They Are!

At sixteen months old, my son is on the move and entirely interested in getting his body going.  With the freedom of movement, it's becoming easier to see what he wants to do, what he wants to get into, and ultimately, what he wants to learn!  If it's in plain sight, I'll know if he's interested.  When I give him freedom to explore, I learn so much about his capabilities that I never realized and it reminds me of how fast children develop.  Sometimes there are experiences and interactions that I must let him have and sometimes there are experiences I must support him through.  Occasionally, there are things I need to prevent him from experiencing or keep out of his reach for safety's sake.  It's can be difficult to maintain that delicate balance of allowing, supporting, and preventing experiences; difficult to remember how to orchestrate the environment safely without being controlling.

Sometimes we forget or fail to realize that a child may be interested and ready for something long before we decide they are ready to be introduced to it.  We forget to give children opportunities and exposure to things that they might start to show interest in, or we become so worried about the messes and the clean up or safety that we avoid giving them those opportunities.  Hey, parents are only human.   The flaw can be that in our desire to keep our children "safe" or our environment "clean," we run the risk of our children missing opportunities to learn independence and skills.  When those opportunities are given at the moment children show interest in them, magical things can happen.  Children learn that we have faith in their abilities, that they can achieve things even when they are difficult, and that they can be confident in their choices.  Sometimes the smallest things have the biggest ramifications.

So how do we know when they are ready?  They show us; we just have to be prepared for the moment!  In Montessori classrooms, we give children the opportunity to learn practical life (as we call it) skills by making sure there are activities they can show interest in.  We teach children Care of the Environment and Care of Self by giving them the materials to participate in these kinds of activities.  In my house, I have begun to set up baskets of these kinds of materials for my son.  He has only occasionally shown interest in these things, but I know that by putting them out, the opportunity is there for his interest to be triggered!

First I put out a basket of things for him to care for himself.  I included a small brush and comb, a tiny toothbrush that fits on his finger, and a wash cloth for wiping his face.  These things are in a basket in front of a mirror so that he can look at himself as he cares for himself.  Some families put these things on small tables and set up a sort-of vanity, but we don't have the space for that, so I set out a small carpet square he can sit on in front of the mirror.

Next I set out a small basket of cleaning things, so that he can mimic me in activities when he is interested.  He has his own floor sweeper with dustpan, a Swiffer mop, an extra Swiffer sheet for dusting, and a towel for cleaning up things like spills.

I am beginning to build ways for my son to have more access to his eating and drinking supplies and choice over snacks.  For now, I always make sure to give him a small cup with water and a utensil.  Over time I would give him the exposure and see the reaction.  At first I gave him a small cup and he'd stick his hands in it so I would take it away and try again later.  One day, he started drinking from it.  We have always given him utensils to "play" with, and then one day he began trying to eat with it and began requesting one if he didn't have one!  In order to help him with the process I discovered the Learn N' Turn which is making using a utensil much easier for him (it allows you to change the angle as the child's ability progresses):

Sometimes there's spilling; sometimes there's breaking.  It happens.  But every instance is a learning opportunity.  The more we provide children with things to participate in the care of themselves and the home, the more connected they become to that process of care.  And we have to remember to support and prepare for those opportunities, even if it does get a little messy :)

Toddler Breastfeeding: Surviving the Judgement

Breastfeeding in America has begun to shift, slowly, and I am grateful to see the change.  At one point, in this country, it was very difficult for women to breastfeed comfortably in public or without pressure to switch to formula.  Now, thankfully, the American Academy of Pediatrics at least recommends breastfeeding for 12 months, or longer as long as mutually desirable for mother or baby.  Breastfeeding my son for the first year was very comfortable and I felt very supported.  Rarely did I come across looks in public and no one ever gave me advice to wean.  I felt that my decision was very respected and  my efforts for my son were validated and encouraged.

And then he turned one.  Slowly, I have noticed, questions have begun to arise.  People I know, people I don't know, all wondering: so, when are you going to wean him?  They have many different reasons for the question, I imagine.  Some of them wish to have me return to a more free life (my son still nurses to sleep and is dependent upon me in this manner, refusing all forms of bottles and pacifiers, so I cannot be apart from him at night).  Others seem to have a cultural aversion to the idea of breastfeeding a toddler.  I often hear: "if they can ask for it, you know it's time to stop."  While breastfeeding an infant is supported by most people (that I know, at least), breastfeeding a toddler feels way more controversial.

I included the above image from Time magazine because I think it's a great example of how our culture has a difficult time with the idea of Toddler breastfeeding.  The extreme of this image (placing the child on a chair and making him appear much older) seems like a perfect example of an article that attempted to document the positive shift towards tolerance of breastfeeding, but then purposefully published a picture that would make people uncomfortable and unsupportive.  It seemed the reaction made people very uncomfortable with the child's age even though the child on the cover of the magazine is three years old and this is a pretty normal phenomenon in most of the world.  I've noticed that many people seem to think that if you let them keep breastfeeding, they won't stop until the elementary years.  Truthfully, we all probably know someone somewhere who did allow such a thing to happen, but I truly believe that is an extreme rarity.  On average, in the world, children given free access to breastfeeding usually naturally wean themselves between 2 and 4.  It is rare for a child to continue to breastfeed by choice past this age.  Most people that I know who continued breastfeeding had children that gave it up by the age of three.  

There is also a belief that mothers who continue to breastfeed are doing so for their own needs and not the needs of their child.  And while there may be a rare few of those mothers out there, most mothers I know only continue to breastfeed because of their child's own need.  If the child chooses to wean, many of us might gladly give it up!  If you've ever breastfed a toddler, you'll know that it can be a frustrating experience at times, full of demands, acrobatics, and often, inconvenience.

So, while breastfeeding is gaining in support, most of us who continue through the second year are met with some resistance.  Whether it's cultural or personal, it doesn't matter, either way, it can make you question yourself.  And Mommy Doubt is the worst.  Especially when it would be so much easier to think of yourself above all.  So, I listen, and I research, and what I have found is that not a single person has said something that gave me a good reason to wean my son.  And by good reason, I mean one that is best for his development.  Yes, it would be fun for me to be a little more free and go out occasionally in the night time...but is that really worth forcing my son to fall asleep on his own or wean when he's not ready?  Yes, he can ask for it and his timing frustrates me occasionally...but that just means that he can communicate a need and it actually makes my life easier in the long run because I'm not trying to interpret a cry.  The ability to voice a need should not make any need go away.  

Instead, I look at the research, and the research tells me that what I am doing is good for him.  The World Health Organization recommends at least 24 months of breastfeeding.  According to KellyMom.com, there are a number of benefits to continued breastfeeding into toddlerhood, including nutrition, immunity and prevention of illness, cognitive achievement and intellectual development, mental and social development, and positive impact on mother's health.  My son eats full meals throughout the day and mostly now breastfeeds for comfort (like many children seek from bottles or pacifiers) and as a component of his nutrition.  He can be picky about what he eats sometimes, but because he's breastfeeding, I never have to worry about his nutrition because I know the rest is made up through my milk.

When I combine all that information with the averages of cultures around the world, I realize that my decision to follow my son is not one that needs to be judged.  While it may not be touted by many Montessorians, some of whom believe in focusing on weaning as a road to independence, I choose to see it as following the child and supporting his natural independence when he chooses to be ready for that.  And while it may not be the choice for everyone (or necessary for all children), I realize that it's the right choice for my family.  And it's a choice I can reevaluate as time goes on, as long as I'm always thinking about what's best for my child.  And that helps me survive the judgment.

Taking Time For The "Little" Walk

We all know the value of walks for our children.  Getting outdoors, breathing the fresh air, exploring senses, and getting exercise are all wonderful benefits for both adults and children.  However, for the toddler especially, taking a walk can be a tiring experience and adults often find that children cannot walk very far.  So, instead, we contain children in strollers or carriers and go on our way.  We take the child for a walk, but he never walks.

Dr. Montessori, in Education for a New World (p.46-47), wrote: "At the age of two years, the child has a need for walking that most psychologists fail to consider.  He can walk for a mile or even two, and if part of it is up-hill, so much the better, for he loves to go up; the difficult points in the walk are the interesting ones.  But adults have to realize what walking means to the child; the idea that he cannot walk comes from the fact that they expect him to walk at their rate, and when he cannot, from the shortness of his legs, keep up, they pick him up and carry him to get the quicker to their goal.  But the child does not want to get anywhere; he just wants to walk, and to help him truly the adult must follow the child, and not expect him to keep up."  She wrote that "the child has his own laws of growth, and if we want to help him grow, we must follow him instead of imposing ourselves on him."  Instead of walking where we want to go or walking to get somewhere, children should walk "guided by attraction, and here education can help the child by introducing him to the colours, the shapes and forms of leaves, and the habits of insects, animals and birds...All these give point to his interest when he goes out and the more he learns, the more he walks."


In my attempt to capitalize on Montessori's wisdom, my son and I take what I like to call "little" walks. We often walk for a long time, sometimes an hour or more, but we may hardly go more than a few blocks.  We do not walk with any purpose other than walking and we go wherever my son's interests take us.  I do not make him follow any intended course, and when I do need him to follow a certain direction, I bait him using his interests.  I may point out a leaf down the path we need to go, or show him and animal, and he runs in that direction not because of my decision but because there is more to learn and discover!

On our little walks we find wonderful things.  We may find a bug and watch how it moves or stop and consider the movements of a squirrel or a bird.  My son likes to explore different terrains and trying to walk over them, "off-roading" as I like to call it.  Sometimes he finds a new place to explore, or a door to open and close.

Sometimes he chooses to bring his Y- Bike outdoors and explore new terrains that way.

Often, my son will stop and pick up rocks and move them around the environment over and over, for a long time.

Because he loves to pick things up, and in my desire to help him find something to do with those things rather than put them in his mouth, we bring a small bag or bucket for him to carry and collect things.  This works great as he is very much in that "load and tote phase"discussed by Alissa Marquess at Creative With Kids.  Such an elemental part of development to let kids explore and feel the weight of the items they discover, and giving them purpose or direction.  

I am not in control of our walks, he is.  I only assert myself when he wants to go into the road (which he is not allowed) or I use the tricks I mentioned before to help direct him down certain paths.  How long we walk, how far we go, and how long that takes is all up to him.  And the most amazing part of it is that it allows ME to reconnect with nature and find opportunities to share my knowledge with him.  Instead of walking along and not being able to see his little face in a stroller or a carrier, I can instead share the world with him, and that's the best part.

So, the next time you go for a walk, let your kid take control and see where you end up!!