Oh television, how I have a weakness for thee. So begins my dilemma...
With all the changes a child brings to your life coupled with the ongoing sleep deprivation, it seems like torture to a television lover like myself to give up the TV. But it's starting to look more and more like that's the only way to go. I've been trying desperately to research the specifics. How does television affect my child's brain and how can I minimize the damage without driving myself nuts??
Let's start with the American Academy of Pediatricians recommendation for NO television under the age of two. It seems intuitive, but I began to wonder what the problem was specifically. What I discovered is that the problem with TV is not the television itself at this age, but what the child is not doing instead. Infants watching TV aren't interacting with anything. Visual images just cannot teach them what they need to learn. They need to be figuring out how to move and how to speak. They learn language not just from hearing it but from watching your lips move. And they need to see different people make the same sound to make the connection...so they need exposure to lots of people and lots of face time. In fact, I notice my son not only wants to look at my mouth while I talk but often puts his hand over my lips to feel how they are moving. He certainly can't do that with a TV. Every second an infant watches television is a second not spent figuring out the world. And it is a big world, and he has a lot to learn.
Now, I had no intention of really putting my son in front of the TV. Although, I will admit, there are moments where he's completely falling apart and I just want to use the bathroom and I hope that maybe five minutes of television will achieve this for me?? So, the universe is well aware, I've tried. Luckily, (and I say this both relieved and begrudged) he won't watch. He just insists upon the face time. So, at the end of my day, I don't really have to worry about putting him in front of the television. No, it's all about tummy time, games, walks, and activities for him.
But what about me???
When I set my son down and let him play with his toys, I interact with him some. But then, I also want him to learn to concentrate on something without me. As a Montessorian, I firmly believe what you should not interrupt a child when they have begun to concentrate. Interaction or distraction breaks the concentration and the concentration does not return in the same way. Who knows how long the child would have stayed with it had you not interrupted? Concentration is built by moments of interest when the child chooses to concentrate. So when he's playing with something, he doesn't need me to be talking to him, the time for language will be later when he's done with the toy and wants to interact with me. So what do I do? At the moment, I can't go too far...he's at the place where he's starting to crawl but can't quite get it yet and tends to fall over. I can steal a few minutes by placing him in the boppy, but it's still not very long. When he was younger, he was in constant need of support. I can't break out the computer because that requires two hands and now he's drawn to the, so it's a very large distraction. Reading is always an option, it's true, but sometimes I just like to turn on the TV and watch while he plays. So, my new question became, what is the impact of MY watching television on my son.
At the moment, research says that it is less time I am talking to my son. Studies have found that adults in the presences of audible television talk less to their children. However, I pay attention only during periods of time he's actually concentrating on something else. When he's ready for my attention, he gets it. Also, I never watch anything with scary images and I stay far away from the news, so if he does look up, I don't worry about what he's seeing. But still, I wonder, should I just give up on the TV and pick up a book instead?
After reading Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, I feel like I have a little more information about the decisions I am making. The truth is, children don't just learn language by hearing words, they learn it by seeing lips move while making words. So, they have to be interested in language at the moment. I can always tell when my son is because he seeks out my face and stares at my lips. Even more important to language development is interaction with your child when he makes a sound. Specifically, it is touch that will alert your child that you are responding to his sounds. When your child makes sounds, it is again a moment where he is showing interest in language. At this point, you can follow his lead by touching him in response and making sounds or words as well. If he is staring at your face and looking to touch your lips, these are also great times to make sounds and language for him. In addition, I sing all the time when I am doing things with my son. He loves it, it's soothing, and it draws him into the language.
So I made my decision: as long as the majority of the time my son is getting enriching language experiences, then it's ok for me to watch television while he is learning to entertain himself. As long as it does not distract him too much and he is not watching, it's okay for me to put the television on in the background, especially if I make certain I am always aware of his desire to interact or experience language. It is our awareness of our children that will help shape their experiences, and it seems that television becomes a bad thing when it takes that awareness away and if it pulls your child out of his environment. I have, however, made the decision not to put him in front of children's programming and let him actively watch television until he is much older (and even then, under strict supervision and I will make an effort to watch with him).
These decisions will change as he changes, and one day, I will not be watching television hardly at all. But at the moment, I am reminded that we need to make our decisions based on information and awareness of our children. THAT is how we know we are making the right ones.
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