Candles: Holiday Explorations of Self-Restraint

A toddler? Handling a lit candle???

I know, you must think I'm crazy. Most people would. But, with the arrival of the holiday season and plummeting temperatures, my son is continuously exposed to fire. Lit fireplaces and candles litter the landscape of our friends, family, and our home. It's a teachable moment just waiting to happen.

In the Montessori classroom, we give children a lesson in how to handle dangerous objects. Knives, scissors, even pencils, need to be handled a certain way with care so that we don't hurt ourselves. In the environment, we only allow smaller, less dangerous versions of these objects, but we expose the children to them all the same.
Enter fire. With all this exposure to fire, I can see my son's curiosity peeked. Now, my son, in particular, is a cautious child and he understands the concept of hot. As a result of this understanding, he has demonstrated some self restraint in not touching things he knows to be hot. For this reason, understanding his already demonstrated capabilities, I decided that I could support his curiosity of candles.

My son asked me to light the candle, so I thought, why not use the moment to help him understand how to operate safely around fire using a very small amount of fire. I explained that it was hot and could burn ("ouch, boo boo!), but that if he touched the base on the outside, the candle could be moved carefully. I also showed him how to blow out the candle which became an exciting activity. He would try to blow it out and when he succeeded, I lit the candle again (with a lighter which we have explained is "danger" and only Mommy and Daddy can touch). Sometimes he would get frustrated and ask me to assist, but most of the time, he was in love with trying to blow the candle out.

The great thing about exploring something dangerous like fire is that it not only teaches the child safety, but it is an exercise in self-restraint. I would never leave my son alone with a candle; even with his cautious nature, I still see his hand drawn to the flame and have to remind him. But every moment I'm not reminding him and he remembers to control himself is a huge gain for the development of self control and, ultimately, self-discipline.

Even the act of blowing out the candle requires self-restraint, as he can not get too close to the candle with his face. It also allows him to develop the skills require to direct air directionally and with enough force. In the same way that blowing bubbles can help with language development, blowing out a candle helps children develop control over inhaling and exhaling which supports appropriate speech development (speech is the result of controlled breath coupled with appropriate sounds).

I love discovering activities that excite my son while allowing him to develop skills. While this activity requires complete supervision, it gives us something to do together, adding a social aspect with turn taking, expressing excitement when it blows out and disappointment when it doesn't, and enjoying each others company.

The Magic Of The Montessori Classroom

Working part time as the Parent Learning Coordinator for the Montessori school my son attends (twice a week) has been a wonderful experience.  It's helped me dive back into philosophy and work closely with parents in a way that always enriches my own parenting experience.  But, sometimes, I feel out of touch, I feel confused, or I feel thrown off by trying to make all the right choices, or decide if Montessori even has all the answers (or which answers I feel are most important).

Today, however, I was reminded of why I fell in love with Montessori.  I decided to spend a little time of my morning in the primary classrooms at the school.  As quiet as can be, I took my place in a little chair in part of the room to just sit and observe.  I let the peace wash over me.

If you've never sat in a Montessori classroom,  I highly recommend it.  It is magical.  Not because the children tend to be quieter, and not because the environment is in any way perfect.  It is magical because the children are free to follow their own intellectual and social desires.  I watched children plucking work off the shelf and quietly taking it to a table, quickly absorbing themselves in an activity.  I watched a child wash a chair with such effort and focus that it made me smile.  I watched another little boy get confused about his Triangle Box and begin looking for a way to solve his problem and figure out what to do next.  I watched other children looking to engage with friends, chatting, making funny faces, and laughing.  In a room full of activity, I felt calm.

If you have never sat and observed in a Montessori classroom, I recommend that you do.  If you are a Montessorian who has been out of the classroom for a while, I highly recommend a brief return.  For the former, I think it will amaze you, and for the latter, I know it will set your soul right.

My favorite thing about the Montessori classroom is that it is full of individuals.  Every child is so uniquely different, and here, you can really see it.  You can see it in their choices, their actions, and their desires.  The room goes in a million different directions because there are so many different ways to go.  It is a room full of possibilities.

What's your favorite thing about the Montessori classroom?

A Thanksgiving Art Project

I had intended to let my little guy paint a pumpkin on Halloween, but with all the excitement of carving Jack-O-Lanterns and baking holiday cookies, we forgot. So I thought this year, I would bring the left over pumpkin to my in-laws' house and let him paint it to decorate the Thanksgiving table. Upon hearing this, my mother-in-law bought extra pumpkins and it became a family art project.

This turned out to be a much more wonderful idea than I anticipated. Everyone painted a pumpkin the day before Thanksgiving and, the next afternoon, six beautiful pumpkins decorated our table. It was fun to watch everyone approach the project in a different way and they were all so excited by the outcome. We certainly have a new holiday tradition.




















I think open-ended projects like this makes for the best kind of art endeavors for children. There is no perfect outcome or expectation and the creative possibilities are endless. To make this project work for a toddler, we used water-based, washable Crayola paints and gave each color its own brush so we didn't have to worry about mixing colors or washing the brush after each use.

This year, I am thankful for family and opportunities to come together and share experiences, explore creativity, laugh and have fun.

Maybe this Christmas we'll paint ornaments. Anyone have another simple and open-ended idea?