It never fails to amaze me how much my son wants to do everything his parents do. He wants to sit the way I do, he wants to hold what I'm holding, drink out of my cup; all of the kinds of things he will one day refuse to do in his attempts to be, I'm sure, anything but like his father and I. Enter my husband's insane theory that he should become an alcoholic when our son becomes a teenager so that our son will do the opposite. That nonsense aside, and giant bridge to cross when we come to it, for now, everything my son does begins as but an echo of what we do.
That's a lot of pressure. "No, no, Mommy said ship...shiiiPPPPP." I swear, that's what I said.
It's also frustrating at times. At 18 months old, he may want to hold a glass, but there's going to be water all over the floor. And he may want to sit on the adult's chair, but then he's trying to climb up on the table like it's Mount Everest and attack the chandelier. These outcomes can often make any parent want to refrain her children from attempting the actions.
And then I remember what Dr. Montessori said: "The task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confound good with immobility and evil with activity." We parents are but life-long educators, are we not? Our children's actions to be like us are merely reflections of their desires to understand the world and become independent. A desire that is key to future success and happiness. When we stifle it, we discourage children from actions that fulfill a very positive desire. So, the question becomes: instead of preventing our children from doing things, how do we support our children's attempts to mimic us despite the frustrating outcomes?
For me, it has been about remembering that every outcome is another opportunity to show my son how I would do it. So, not only have I supported his endeavors by not restraining them, I am also showing him the boundaries of those behaviors by letting him know what is acceptable and what is not, as well as precisely how it's done. It's still frustrating at times because it often creates more work, but my job as a parent is to guide him, not limit him. I also try to remember that supporting his independence will ultimately create less work for me. I always try to stop and think "how can I let him do this in a way that will help him be more successful with it?"
I've found that my efforts are increasingly less frustrating when I have set up a properly prepared environment. If I have things in his environment that help support his attempts, while minimizing failure, the outcomes are far easier to deal with. For example, we have small cups for my son to drink out of. As he gains in skill, he sometimes uses bigger cups like ours. But, if there's a spill, I keep cloths on a shelf handy (for him) and I show him how to clean up the water. My son also has his own duster, swiffer, and mini spray bottle for "helping" while I am cleaning (although, I won't lie, he always wants to trade). Child-sized tools that are the same as the adult's are an excellent way to support these amazing endeavors are children are embarking upon. For Small Hands (partnered with Montessori Services) is a great place to find these things online, although I keep an eye out whenever I am shopping to find anything that my son could use more easily that the adult version.
Here he is doing amazing "grown-up" things:
(walking the dog...not recommended for any dog, but ours is very well trained)
(he mostly ends up dusting the dog)
(picking the leaves off rosemary while I chopped vegetables)
(sitting on a railing because that's what Mommy was doing)
So goes my son's journey to be just like my husband and I. It also reminds me that I have to think about everything that I do. Because, he is definitely going to follow suit. I am the model for which all of his behavior follows.
Yup, that IS a lot of pressure. (I swear, I said SHIP).
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