The Baby K'Tan Carrier: My Babywearing Savior

I have not yet come across a product I want to review; until I came across the baby carrier called the Baby K'Tan (www.babyktan.com).  I am in love with this carrier, and it is slowly saving my life.

Up until I gave birth to my son, I was a huge proponent of babywearing.  Babywearing has so many benefits, not only for mom but for baby as well.  From the attachement parenting perspective, it is the ultimate MUST.  Claims about babywearing say babies who are worn are more organized and learn more, cry less, and are smarter.  There are also claims that when babies are worn they sleep better.  I'm not sure about studies that go along with these claims; I've never deeply researched it.  I do know that some studies have shown a reduction in crying through babywearing and improved bonding between mother and child.  To receive the benefits of babywearing, they say you should wear your baby at least three hours a day.

Without statistical evidence, there are some very obvious benefits to babywearing.  You get to hold your baby and have your child close to you while being hands free and able to move around.  It encourages bonding and lets you be close to your child even with all the things you have to do during the day.  For newborns, it provides a post-partum womb like experience; your baby gets rocked just like in the womb and is almost swaddled up close to your body.  In many carriers you can easily nurse (but stay covered) and so, your baby becomes easily portable.

Unfortunately, once my son was born, I became the baby carrier.  Certainly not a hands-free experience.  When your child just won't be put down, babywearing is the best thing you can do.  However, my son hated being in a carrier.  He screamed the second I put him in it.  I could always see why too; I never felt comfortable with any of the carriers.  I felt like he was completely unsupported.  I tried the Maya Ring Sling, the New Native carrier, the Sleepy Wrap, and I have an Ergo Carrier.  Don't get me wrong, when he's big, I think the Sleepy Wrap and Ergo carrier will be great for him.  But as a newborn, they just didn't put him in a comfortable position (they only carry him upright).  I returned the ring sling immediately, as well as the New Native carrier.  The former felt unstable to me.  The latter may work for bigger babies, but my newborn got lost in it: definitely not safe.  So there I was, no baby carrier but my arms and a baby that hated being ANYWHERE else.

Enter the Baby K'Tan.  In desperation, I was searching the internet for the right carrier.  The Moby Wrap was the only other one I knew of that could carry my son in the hold I wanted, but there was just no way I was going to learn to put it on.  I had seen videos...that's a very complicated procedure if you have a screaming child.  The Sleepy Wrap could also put my son in a hammock carry, but it was hard to get on with my son screaming.  The Baby K'Tan solved all my problems.  It held him snugly in the hammock hold and allowed me to breastfeed on the move but still keep him covered.  At the time, to convince him to fall asleep in it, I would put him in and breastfeed him until he fell asleep.  Then we were good to go.  If he woke up and needed coaxing back to sleep, I could easily breastfeed him again.

When we graduated from the hammock hold (my son won't even be carried sideways at all now), I was again frustrated.  I've learned a lot about spreading a babies hips (like you would in the Ergo) and suspending baby from his crotch (like they do in the Infantino and Baby Bjorn early front and back carriers).  Actually, the Baby K'tan has a way to face baby front and back suspended from crotch, but I won't use it.  There is a small risk of it negatively affecting the spinal development, plus, how good can hanging from your crotch for long periods of time really be?  There's all sorts of baby gadgets I avoid because of that.  So, the Baby K'tan actually allowed me to invent my own hold that puts him in front of me but without spreading his legs yet.  The extra piece for tying made it possible.  Actually, I was able to pull off the same hold in the Sleepy Wrap, but at the moment, it still takes too long to get on in comparison.

So, thank you Baby K'tan.  Because of you, my very heavy son is easily portable, and that makes my life a whole lot easier.  Plus, he enjoys it now.  So a huge recommendation from me to all the moms out there...if you are interested in baby wearing, try this one out.

Should Baby Sleep With You?: Making the Bed-Sharing Decision

I began this post's title with "should."  I use this word even though I hate it because it's a word that we parents always hear.  The truth is, with babies, "should" is a stupid word.  There's too much variation with children.  With parenting, you need to explore the world of could not should.

So, bed-sharing.  Did we get there?  Oh, yes, we did.  And I know that many parents do this but don't admit it, so I'm going to announce it loud and proud..."World, my baby sleeps in my bed!!!"  Did I want to get here?  No, not really.  I like my space.  Don't get me wrong, there is something about your child rubbing your arm in the middle of the night to make sure you are there that might be one of the most special feelings in the world.  At the same time, waking you up isn't necessarily fun.  At the end of the day, it came down to something very simple: I see no other options.

Here we are back to: what does he need?  In the early months, swaddling kept my son happy at night.  Yes, he woke up multiple times a night, but he went back to sleep outside our bed...usually in his bouncer.  But, then it was time to graduate.  The swaddle was now waking him up.  So we removed it.  And all hell broke loose.  We tried letting him sleep in his bouncer without the swaddle.  No go.  We tried the bassinet that rocks.  No go.  We tried a pack and play.  No go.  Every time he woke up (sometimes after twenty minutes when it took me forty minutes of rocking just to place him down), I was finding myself angry.  Grumbling obscenities to myself.  Throwing tantrums and waking my husband up with "what the hell am I supposed to do!!!!"  Finally, I did what the Sears family (of Dr. and and RN Sears) ended up doing.  Just bringing baby into bed.  And he slept.

Ok, so he doesn't sleep through the night, nowhere close.  But when he wakes, five minutes of a breast-feed tops and he's back out, and so am I.  I put him down in our bed and he'll sometimes sleep a few hours before it's time for me to go to bed and join him.  The reality is, he needs to know I'm there.  He's tiny and the very idea of being alone in the world is too much for him.  He needs it, so we're going with it.

When you make a decision like this, one that goes completely against what everyone else does (or will admit to doing), it can be rough going.  Especially, if it wasn't in your "plan" (I will condemn the idea of plans in another post).  I think most people don't admit to it because they don't want to defend it, and they certainly don't want to feel like they are doing something wrong or are taking the easy way out.  And even more so, you really hate to feel like you could be doing something detrimental to your child.  But at the end of the day, I am completely against sleep-training.  In my opinion, it's the same thing as telling your baby to "buck up" because you will be abandoning him all night long.  I just can't do it.  This solution (when letting him sleep on his own in our room and going to him when he woke didn't work) feels much better to me.

And then, there's all the other stuff.  SIDS, rolling over on baby, pediatrician recommendations, studies, etc.  So, here are a few thoughts on that.

SIDS:  This is a very scary thing.  But, my question is, how on earth are you supposed to know if baby is breathing when he's in a different room?  Even in the same room, I was not nearly as aware of what my son's breathing patterns were when he was in the bassinet.  Now, I know every move he makes, and I think I would certainly know if he stopped making them.  Truth is, as a mother, I now feel safer with him next to me than I ever did with him away from me.

Rolling Over:  This one is also very scary, and often the experts reason for not bed-sharing.  I have no idea how I would ever roll over on my son.  I hardly move when he's next to me because I am so aware of him.  My husband was very worried about this as well, but we are finding that he is just as aware of him.  Granted, if you are taking sleeping pills, drinking a lot, doing drugs, or anything else that might make you an unaware sleeper, then this is probably something you should worry about.  It probably means that your life style needs another solution.  Or you need to go to bed sober.

Pediatricians:  Some are ok with bed-sharing, some are against.  There's a lot of liability that goes on when they make their decisions as well.  I find that doctors often make recommendations based on worse case scenario.  You can't recommend bed-sharing and then have one mother take a sleeping pill or get wasted and roll over on her child.  Some parents just ruin everything for the rest of us.

Studies:  NIH has a study that shows that bed-sharing is on the rise, so more people are doing it (perhaps than are admitting it).   It is very popular world-wide, just not so much in this country.  Currently, there is no real evidence of a link between SIDS and bed-sharing.  Studies have found that there are no negative developmental outcomes due to bed-sharing (behaviorally or academically).

So, in my opinion, there is no should not to bed-sharing.  As for should, that's always a matter of needs for your family and your child.  Could it be an option for you?  Yes, of course.  Whether or not you choose to take it will be a decision you make in the best interest of your family.  In our case, it's working.  Mommy isn't having temper tantrums in the middle of the night and baby is sleeping.  That's success in my book.

Mommy Doubt

Finally, I am back to blogging.  My high needs baby has made blogging a very hard task, but I am finally figuring it all out.  Well, sort of.

As six months have passed, I have moments of what I call extreme Mommy Doubt.  That moment when you wonder if you are doing it right.  Are your instincts right, are your decisions correct, are you doing the best for your child?  With a high needs infant, it seems even harder.  Every time I spend time around other mothers and children in a group (mom/infant yoga for example), I see all these babies that operate so much more easily than mine.  Babies that fall asleep on their own!  Stories about babies that wake up once a night, twice a night at most.  These are not my stories.  My stories you will hear, once again.  I am hoping that returning to the blog will help me sort out my mommy doubt.  I am hoping to hear stories from others who share my experiences.

I can say that when moments of Mommy Doubt arise, and they do many times, my son always helps me regain my confidence.  Because the truth is, he is who he is and he is different from other babies.  And that's okay.  It means my parenting choices may sometimes have to be different.  It means I can't always take the advice of others who had or have different children.  Convention has never been my strong suit anyway.  My barometer is that the decisions I make always reflect his needs and his interests.

So, here's to all the mommies who suffer from moments of Mommy Doubt.  The truth is, you know your child.  If your decisions are in his or her best interests, then you can't be going wrong.  You just have to be there for them.